Playable Youmu
by Solblight
Summary: Because Yuyuko exists, Youmu has to play the role of someone's wife for one whole day, to three different people no less. Yep. Because Yuyuko. Completely inevitable.
1. The Raffle, Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**The Raffle, Part 1: It's a Touhou story, so someone's got to have the short end of it**

"Hurry up Youmu, we're going to be late!" an urgent voice called from beyond the open screen doors. A petite, silver bob-haired girl dared only break her concentration for a moment as she stole a glance outside in response.

Though the sky was dark and the clouds foreboding as usual, even here in the netherworld the wind of spring swept through energetically. The many gardens of Hakugyokurou were in full bloom, and all the cherry blossom trees save for the largest in the middle of this traditional Japanese mansion were generously sprinkled with delicate pink.

Haah… Must be nice to be a cherry tree… Thought Konpaku Youmu as several petals danced across the open door playfully. You just stand there and let others tend to you… You get admired by everyone too…

Behind her, a large and translucent wisp-like phantom turned to the girl quizzically.

"Although… I can't imagine it to be a very exciting life…" said Youmu to it sheepishly, quickly turning her attention back to her task. The shapeless phantom sweat-dropped.

"Youmu! Are you done?" called the voice again.

"Yes! Almost ready!" Youmu finished packing various traditional foods she had single-handedly cooked into lacquer boxes. Speaking of just standing there and letting others look after you… doesn't that sound like someone I know…? Thought You-

"You aren't thinking anything nasty about me are you, Youmu-chan~?" A shiver went up Youmu's spine as two smooth, tender hands lightly clamped onto Youmu's slender shoulders. Youmu nervously turned round to see an eternally young lady with the airs of an older woman. Curly pink hair fell about her face and onto her shoulders, and she was dressed in a frilly, collared blue kimono. Saigyouji Yuyuko, the ghostly mistress of the netherworld and Youmu's master.

"I-I-I was just thinking how ladylike Yuyuko-sama is at times… Ahaha… ahaha…" Youmu could never bring herself to lie to her master, at least not directly…

"Hmmm~?" pouted Yuyuko, "Would 'ladylike' happen to be a byword for 'do-nothing', I wonder~?" her deep pink eyes smiled mischievously.

"No! I mean… I-I'm very sorry, Yuyuko-sama…" Youmu admitted her guilt.

"Hmm hmm~ How cute of you, Youmu-chan~!" Yuyuko suddenly hugged Youmu from behind, startling the poor girl, "You always have this serious look on you whenever you get critical of me… It's as if you're my wife~!"

"Ah! Be careful Yuyuko-sama! The boxes…!" flailed Youmu as Yuyuko snuggled against her, "Please- Hii! W-Where are you touching!? Ahaha- Y-Yuyuko-sama! Please stop- Ow!"

Crash! Youmu lay on her back on the tatami with her master sprawled over her, several boxes knocked over, their contents spilled and spoilt.

"… Mmm…!" Youmu glared tearfully at Yuyuko over her wasted effort, her steel-green eyes sharp and cold.

"Aha… Ahaha… D-Don't worry Youmu-chan," Yuyuko nervously tried to placate the angry girl, "Yuyuko-chan will help you-"

"Of course you'll help me, right Yuyuko-sama!?" Yuyuko cringed from Youmu's stern scolding, "Haah… Look what you've done …" Youmu sat up, adjusted her black hair ribbon and smoothened out her uniform. It consisted of a green vest and skirt, with a white shirt and frills. Above them, the shapeless phantom fretted over the mess while Yuyuko was busy picking up the food that had dropped on the ground.

"Sorry, Youmu-chan, but I was just so excited about the feast later," Yuyuko said, "A raffle! I wonder why we've never done this before? And what's more, _I_ get to decide the prizes!" she shuddered with anticipation.

Youmu and Yuyuko were about to go to the annual spring feast held (forcibly) at the Hakurei Shrine. This feast was regularly attended (crashed) by several denizens (pests) of Gensokyo, including several important (irritating) youkai such as Yuyuko. Since the affair was such a long (hard-to-get-rid-of) tradition, Hakurei Reimu, the resident shrine maiden, this year suggested (threatened) contributions ("You better make them, got it!?") by the participants to keep things fresh (under budget).

"… We might as well read only the words in parentheses, huh…?"

"What are you talking about, Youmu-chan?"

"N-Nothing!"

Yuyuko, in her usual carefree manner, had elected to prepare the prizes for the raffle. There was however one _small_ problem…

"Yuyuko-sama, I've been meaning to ask…" Youmu turned to Yuyuko worriedly, "But… wasn't the budget for this month a little tight? Are the prizes going to be okay? It would be an embarrassment for the Saigyouji household if they were no good…" she added.

"Y-Youmu-chan~!" Yuyuko whipped out her folding fan to hide her uneasiness, "Do you not trust me? I put in my best effort too, you know! The prizes are _really_ creative!"

"Really?" Youmu was touched by her master's efforts, "Then I'll be looking forward to what you've got planned, Yuyuko-sama!" she smiled, "Come on, Yuyuko-sama! We need to get going! Leave the food to me!" with that, Youmu piled several of the boxes into the shapeless phantom before carrying the rest in a stack herself, "It's a long way to the Hakurei Shrine!" And they left with their loads.

Ahaha… Sorry, Youmu-chan… I really, _reeally_ had to get creative with the prizes… Thought Yuyuko sheepishly as she watched Youmu's back. But… A mischievous smile came to her face.

This will be fun… Teehee…

"I can't wait!"

* * *

"It's lively as usual, isn't it?" Yuyuko said as she elegantly sipped her sake, a cherry blossom petal garnishing her sake dish, further accentuating the perfect picture of Japanese beauty.

"Yes, it's always been a pleasure every time I come here," her long, blonde-haired companion complimented. She too was an elegant looking lady in an elegant looking white dress, her feet crossed delicately to the side as she and Yuyuko lay upon a mat beneath a rustling cherry blossom tree. Two beautiful, youthful women, making spring shed petals in jealousy-

"Oi, you two hags over there!" came a crossed voice, "You sure talk as if none of this is your problem!"

"A-Ah… If it isn't Hakurei Reimu-san," flinched Yuyuko's companion. The waist-length brown-haired girl before them was unmistakably the shrine maiden of Hakurei, her hands on her hips, white detached sleeves and red miko's dress billowing in the spring breeze, a large red ribbon perched behind her head like a butterfly.

"You shouldn't be so stern all the time, Reimu-san~" continued Yuyuko's companion, "You'll age fast at this rate-"

"And who's fault do you think this is, Yakumo Yukari!?" rebuffed Reimu, "It's because youkai like you show up and feast here at your own leisure that the other youkai think it's okay to come here too!" she waved her hand over the scenery before them. All over the Hakurei Shrine's courtyard, a large number of youkai lounged about, drinking sake. "This is a shrine, a_ shrine_!" emphasised Reimu, "And I'm supposed to be a youkai hunter!"

"It's all in fun though, isn't it, Reimu-chan~?" said Yuyuko airily.

"Plus, we did make contributions this time, didn't we?" added Yukari, "How did you find the premium grade scallop, for instance?"

"Nnnh…! I-It wasn't bad- Wait, that's not the point!" Reimu snapped herself out of it, "I still have to be the one to clean up afterwards! And besides…" she crossed her arms, "I bet your servants did all the preparations for you…"

"Of course," Yukari laid back.

"Oi… Don't you have any shame…?" Reimu questioned.

"Well, if Reimu wins in the raffle, she might just get help with cleaning up after the feast," smiled Yuyuko enigmatically.

"Huh? Oh, that's right… You were in charge of the prizes, weren't you?" asked Reimu, "I-Is there really such a prize?" she probed tentatively.

"Would be amazing if it was something like a robot, ze!"

The three turned to see another girl approach them cheerily – a fashionably messy youth with long, messy blonde hair. Over her carelessly crumpled white shirt was a dark-blue vest, and over her carelessly crumpled dark-blue skirt was a white frilled apron. Her dark-blue witch's hat was ridiculously oversized and lopsided.

"Hi there!" greeted Kirisame Marisa, Gensokyo's 'Ordinary Magician', "Reimu! Caring for the elderly, I see?" she grinned. Yuyuko and Yukari frowned.

"What's a 'robot'?" asked Reimu.

"Ah, that? Well, Sanae over there was just telling me all about it," explained Marisa, pointing out a green haired girl in the distance, "Apparently, it's a machine that does the work for you…"

"A-A machine that does the work for you!?" Reimu turned dreamy, "Ahh~ I would love that~" she drooled.

* * *

"Welcome to the first ever Gensokyo Raffle!" Yuyuko announced to general applause from a stage set up before the shrine, "Now that we've all eaten our fill and savoured our sake… it's time for us to have ourselves a little gamble with luck! The prizes, if you will!" she gestured to the side, and on came Youmu and her phantom companion bearing a cloth covered tray and two boxes.

"And that's why Reimu's looking like an idiot right now ze!" Marisa was explaining cheerily to a blonde, short-haired girl in a blue dress next to her.

"I-I'm not really following your story, Marisa…" fellow magician Alice Margatroid responded with difficulty.

"Shut up Marisa!" snapped Reimu from Marisa's left, "The autonomous machine of my dreams is finally here! Robot please, robot please, robot please…!" she prayed as hard as she could while Alice looked on awkwardly.

"Um… I don't think there's actually a robot as a prize, Reimu-san," the long, green-haired girl from before said from behind Alice and Marisa – Kochiya Sanae, a fellow shrine maiden from the Moriya shrine. Like Reimu, she too had white detached sleeves, though her skirt was blue rather than red.

"Never tell me the odds!" Reimu declared.

"What odds…?" Marisa sweat-dropped.

"Well, I already have my dolls doing the cleaning for me," said Alice, "So it doesn't really matter to me…" the 'Seven Coloured Puppeteer' shrugged.

"Now!" Yuyuko up on stage was saying, "As consolation prizes, I have prepared some _small_ gifts," she removed the cloth off the tray Youmu was carrying, revealing ten lovely miniature crystals. The crowd was wowed.

Good, good, they liked that… Yuyuko glanced over to Youmu, who looked back, amazed by her master's resourcefulness. Crystals such as those are pretty common in the Netherworld, so these were essentially free gifts…

"Of course, one should be ambitious and aim for the top three prizes!" urged Yuyuko, and the crowd cheered, "So… get ready your tickets, and let the draw begin! The ten consolation prize winners are…!"

And very quickly, ten people were called to the stage to receive their 'lavish' consolation prizes, not one of them bearing the name of Hakurei.

"Argh! What bad luck! I didn't even win a single damned crystal!" cursed Reimu after all the consolation prize winners had been announced.

"Ahaha… Cheer up, Reimu-san," consoled Sanae, "There's still the top three prizes."

"Say… Aren't those simple quartz?" Alice observed, "I mean they are still lovely but…"

"Yeah… I bet Hakugyokurou's got tons of them just lying about ze…" Marisa followed. The two magicians looked at each other with the same awkward thought. How cheap of Yuyuko…

"Interesting… so that's the true state of the Saigyoji household's finances…" the girls turned around to see a silver, short-haired girl in a short-skirted, navy-coloured French maid outfit join them, "Although I can't say much for the Scarlet Devil Mansion itself… If _we_ were to host the raffle, we'd have to resort to using food for prizes…" sighed the maid.

"I-Is that so…?" asked Sanae, "Things seem to be hard for everyone lately…"

"Yo, Sakuya!" smirked Marisa genially, "No luck with the raffle too?"

"None of you seem to have won anything yourselves," Izayoi Sakuya, Scarlet Devil Mansion's chief maid, returned with a good-natured smirk of her own.

"Don't worry… If I don't win any, I'll just steal them, da ze!" Marisa gave a thumbs-up.

"Don't you dare!" Alice thumbed-down.

"Now we finally come to the top three prize winners!" hyped Yuyuko, and the crowd cheered again.

"Robot please, please, please!" prayed Reimu, her hands clapped together.

"And the third prize goes tooo… Tatara Kogasa-san!" Yuyuko announced.

"What!?" exclaimed Reimu resentfully as a small youkai girl went up on stage to receive her prize, "Why do the prizes always go to every other insignificant charac-"

"Congratulations, Tatara Kogasa-san!" Yuyuko presented her with one of the boxes, "You've won something really fabulous today!" she smiled a little forcefully.

"R-Really!? What a surprise!" the youkai girl said joyfully, "I-I've never won anything before! Can I open it!?"

"Uh, uh, uh!" Yuyuko stopped her with a warm smile, "Surprises are always better when opened at home, right~?"

"Ah! Kogasa understands!" the fooled girl hugged her prize tight and skipped off the stage as the happiest girl in Gensokyo. Yuyuko watched, some amount of conscience welling in her heart, before catching sight of Youmu looking at her with wholehearted admiration. That conscience then turned into guilt.

C-Can't let Youmu know it was just an ordinary wooden rice cooker… Thought Yuyuko uneasily. And since it was for the top three prizes, I had to take Youmu's second favourite one too… She's going to be furious when she finds out…!

"Looks good… Wonder what it is ze…?" pondered Marisa aloud.

"If you steal that girl's happiness, I'll knife you," Sakuya threatened with a smile.

"Why didn't _I_ win that!? She looked so happy!" Sanae and Alice glanced over and were startled by Reimu's earnest crying.

"And now we go on to our second prize! This is a great one!" rallied Yuyuko, "This time it's an imported product from the outside world!" The crowd got even more rowdy. This raffle organised by Yuyuko has been really great so far!

"And our second prize winner is…" began Yuyukio, "Ta-da! Alice Margatroid! Come on up!"

"Eh? Me!?" Alice glanced about her companions in pleasant surprise. Reimu slumped over in despair.

* * *

"Eh…? What's this…?" Alice, having returned with her prize, now looked disappointingly at the strange and heavy object on her lap.

"AHAHAHAHA -gasp- HAHAHAHAHA! !" Marisa doubled over, clutching her stomach, "Hey Alice! Make me a bento tomorrow! GAHAHAHAHAHA! !" snorted Alice's supposed best friend.

"S-Shut up, Marisa! What am I supposed to do with _this cumbersome thing_ anyway…?" Alice frowned. It was covered in some sort of hollow, fake ceramic…?

"Wow! An electric cooker! Haven't seen one of these in awhile…" said Sanae, "With that, you don't need to use firewood at all!" explained the girl originally from the Outside World.

"Now all we need is some of this 'electricity'," Sakuya reminded her.

"Ah- Oh… Right… This is Gensokyo… forgot…" Sanae sighed, but then brightened up again, "But no! Wait! The kappa around Youkai Mountain might be able to-"

"Turn it into a flying machine! That'd be awesome!" Marisa's eyes sparkled, "I saw Nitori the other day, and she had this awesome propeller sticking out her backpack-"

"Ahh… Why are the kappa's industriousness so difficult to channel…?" groaned Sanae.

"I guess anything from the Outside is junk here, huh…" dismissed Alice-

A shiver up her spine… Alice turned around and got a rude shock. Reimu was staring intensely at her.

"You… want that?-"

"It's mine, I won it!" Alice immediately denied Reimu the electric cooker, "Sheesh, don't creep me out like that! How desperate are you?"

"OI YUYUKO YOU USELESS GHOST!" Reimu stood up from the crowd and yelled, "WHY HAVEN'T I WON ANYTHING!?" she demanded.

Everyone stared at the shrine maiden awkwardly. Isn't that like… your own lack of luck…?

"Ahaha! It's great to see everyone so fired up!" Yuyuko took it theatrically in stride, "Don't worry, Reimu-san! You, as well as anyone else who has yet to win a prize, still have _one chance_ to win the best prize of them all!" she swept her arm across the stage, "What's more… this prize isn't just for one person! Oh no! It's available for three _very lucky_ people!"

"Hmm? But wait a minute… There's no more prizes left for one, let alone three…" pointed out Alice, "I took the last one."

"Psst…! Yuyuko-sama!" whispered Youmu urgently, "What are you talking about? You're the only thing left on stage!"

Youmu's phantom companion glanced from Yuyuko to Youmu uneasily. Nope… she's not the only one…

"Hehe… That's right! The final prize isn't an object!" Yuyuko announced, "It's a service! A delightfully exquisite service of the highest quality!"

"For one whole day… how would you like… to have Hakugyokurou's very own Konpaku Youmu be your wife!?"

**Chapter End**

* * *

**Hello guys, Solblight here! Yep, surprise, surprise, it's a new Touhou fic… And just when I thought I had concluded one already… I feel ready to fizzle out…**

**In any case, I hope you enjoy it!**


	2. The Raffle, Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**The Raffle, Part 2: The Real Prize**

Many different forms of silence swept over the audience gathered in the courtyard of the Hakurei Shrine for Gensokyo's first ever Spring Raffle. Some were silent in shock, others were silent in fantasy…

But most were just silent in shock. Particularly Youmu, who wished she was anywhere but on stage at the moment.

"That's right!" repeated Yuyuko to the stunned crowd, "For one whole day…"

"W-Wait a minute…!"

"You get to have…"

"H-Hang on, Yuyuko-sama…!"

"The lovely and adorable…"

"I said hang on a minute, Yuyuko-sama!"

"Konpaku Youmu be your wife! !"

"_Yuyuko-sama!"_ cried out Youmu, bright red, "_What is the meaning of this!? Why am I the top prize!? I don't recall ever agreeing to such a thing-"_

"Did you ever come home from a hard day at work and think, 'Gee, I sure would love to have someone greet me with a smile when I get back'?" began advertising Yuyuko, "Wouldn't you love to sit down to some nice home cooking, or better yet, have it fed to you lovingly? Is it not your dream to hear the phrase 'Darling? The bath is ready! W-Want to get in together with me!?'" escalated Yuyuko.

"_Yuyuko-sama! I'm not doing any of that!_" protested Youmu in vain.

"Are all you sad single ladies out there devoid of love and just wish for some cute girl to cuddle with? _Are you_!? _Be honest with yourself_!" demanded Yuyuko.

"What direction is this taking…?" asked Alice uneasily.

"Interesting… This woman _understands_ women…" commented Sakuya, mildly impressed.

"What direction are _you_ taking…?" Alice asked Sakuya uneasily.

"Poor Youmu… She looks like she's going to cry…" sympathised Sanae.

"T'ch… What a useless prize…" complained Reimu.

"Reimu-san… really…" Sanae did not know what to make of her.

"Hmm? Marisa… You haven't said anything yet…" Alice observed of her fellow magician. Everyone turned to look at Marisa, and indeed Marisa was being as quiet as a mouse, and as attentive as one with cheese before its whiskers.

"Yuyuko-sama! What are you doing!?" Youmu ran over and demanded of her master, "Me!? Be a wife to a complete stranger for one day!? And what's more, to _three_ people in total!? T-This is wrong!" she objected.

"Relax, Youmu-chan, you're not actually going to be their wife…" whispered Yuyuko, "It's just a service! You're just going to cook and clean and give them a warm smile, that's all! Besides… i-it's not like I wanted to do this…" she half-feigned desperation, "Our finances _are_ in trouble… so… kuh… Youmu!" Yuyuko put her hands on her servant's shoulders with a tear in her eye for effect, "I'm a useless master… undeserving of your talents! But… Hakugyokurou's honour rests on your shoulders! Please, I'm begging you!" she bowed her head low before Youmu, "There is no one else that I can trust to be the first prize!"

…! Hakugyokurou's honour…? Youmu snapped into her 'serious gardener mode' as a flashback from her childhood so long ago came to her…

* * *

"_Grandpa… When will you start teaching me your sword techniques?" a little girl asked an old but robustly built man behind her as she squatted before the garden patch she was tending to, "All you have me do is care for the flowers…" she sulked._

"_Youmu-chan… Do you… wish to learn the way of the sword?" asked the old man sternly._

"_Yes! I do!" the little girl stood up and faced the old man earnestly._

"_And for what reason do you wish to do so?" the old man stroked his beard._

"_Obviously, to protect Yuyuko-sama with my life!" announced the child without hesitation._

"_With your life, huh…" the old man closed his eyes in thought, before opening to glare at his granddaughter disapprovingly, "Foolish child! Is that what you think the way of the sword is!?"_

"_Ah!? G-Grandpa…?" the girl stepped back, shocked._

"_Look at the flowers you tend to!" said her grandfather, "Though they are beautiful, they are also delicate, requiring hard work season after season to cultivate! In exchange, we get to enjoy their presence, their beauty… Your master is also like that!" he lectured, "She is a noble figure, a wise figure! But she is also a delicate woman…You may think it admirable to give your life to protect her, but if you die, who will protect her the next season!?" he demanded._

_Youmu gasped, her eyes opening to wisdom._

"_One learns the way of the sword not in order to give their life up for their master…" continued her grandfather, "But to strengthen themselves so that they can live to protect! That is why I have you tend to the flowers! By learning how to cultivate plants, you will attain the necessary discipline and mindset to defend Hakugyokurou's honour!"_

"_Hakugyokurou's… honour…" repeated Youmu, entranced._

"_Youmu-chan… Now do you understand why you grow flowers?" the old man asked, "You are diligent… but you are also not yet ready… But one day, my granddaughter… you will be," he smiled proudly at her._

"_Yes! I understand now!" declared Youmu, "I will continue to grow even more beautiful flowers for Yuyuko-sama!"_

"_Hmm! That's the spirit!" her grandfather nodded, "Oh… and by the way? Starting from today, you'll be wearing a different uniform for your training…" the old man took out a frilly waitress's uniform, complete with apron, "For Hakugyokurou's honour!" he said as he handed over the uniform._

"_Yes, Grandpa!" Youmu cried out as she gladly received the costume._

_From behind a tree, a young, pink haired maiden exchanged a thumbs-up with the old man._

* * *

"Hakugyokurou's honour…" muttered Youmu to herself, before looking at her master seriously, "I-I understand… Yuyuko-sama…" she swallowed her embarrassment as much as she could, "I will not let you down! I will be the best wife ever!"

"Thank you… Youmu…!" Yuyuko sniffled and wiped away her tear, before turning to the crowds, "It is settled then! All that's left is to pick three lucky people to win this very, very special service!"

The crowd went into an uproar. That cute, petite girl!? As a wife for one whole day!?

"Now, now…" Yuyuko smiled, pleased at the response, "Youmu-chan _is_ my beloved, precious servant, so she can't do anything indecent with any of you~" she warned, "But this adorable girl will lovingly tend to any other need you may have! A meal? A massage? Or even simply go out with you for a date? She will be great for them all!" Yuyuko gestured to Youmu, and Youmu shakily bowed, her face scarlet.

"H-Hello!" Youmu introduced herself as sweetly as she could, "I'm Konpaku Youmu, and I hope you'll t-take good care of me!" Oh this is so embarrassing…!

The crowd went into an even greater uproar. What's with that level of cuteness!?

Yuyuko swept her arm over the crowd, "Then without further ado-"

"_I've got my eyes on you_!"

Everyone turned to see a the figure of a girl stand tall amongst them all, one hand clutching onto her ridiculously oversized witch hat, her eyes set on the stage like an arrow upon a target.

"Heh…" Marisa tilted back her hat as she locked eyes with Youmu, her wife to be, "YOU'RE MINE, DA ZE!" she announced to the world.

The crowd gagged. What's with that shameless statement!?

"Marisa!? W-What are you doing you stupid witch!?" Alice stood up and immediately tried to drag her friend back down to earth.

"But that's because it's such an interesting prize ze!" Marisa said to Alice, her manic collector's eyes sparkling, "Winning a wife for one whole day? I've never had such a thing before! I can just imagine the things we can do _together_~"

"I-Imagine things- What things!?" Alice shook Marisa desperately even as Marisa grinned absentmindedly, "What things are you imagining now!? You're just saying things in an easily misunderstood manner, right!? Tell me I'm misunderstanding you right now!"

"It's just occurred to me…" whispered Sanae to Sakuya, "But Alice-san is pretty good at following up on Marisa-san, isn't she…?"

"Just like a no-nonsense wife…" observed Sakuya.

"But Alice, it'll be fun ze!" Marisa beamed, "It's Youmu as a wife for one whole day! The concept alone is -pffft- funny enough- Hahahaha!" she laughed heartily, "I'll even invite you over if I win! We could 'play' with Youmu together, _if you know what I mean_~" Marisa gave Alice a naughty wink.

"_I-I won't do anything of the sort with you_!" Alice's reaction was spot-on, for Marisa was chortling all over the place. Youmu flushed red with a dash of irritation. What's so funny about me being a wife…?

"Haha…! And that's why I _will_ win you da ze!" Marisa pointed at Youmu with conviction, "I'll have you do anything I want you to, '_Darling'_!" she gave a huge smirk. Whispers were now rife throughout the crowd about Marisa's daringness/shamelessness.

"Marisa… san…!" Youmu could hardly stand to stand anymore, her short frame trembling from furious embarrassment.

"Hang on a moment, Marisa-san," Youmu looked up to see her master intervene, "Now… I _did_ just say that I won't tolerate anything indecent with my dear Youmu-chan," said Yuyuko, "And seeing how you so brutishly flung yourself after her, I may not let you have her, _even if you win_…" Yuyuko warned.

Haah…! Yuyuko-sama…! Thought Youmu, grateful for her not being abandoned to the wolves.

"That's not for you to decide ze!" argued Marisa, "This is a raffle, isn't it!?"

"Hah! That's only if you have enough luck to _actually_ win her…" sneered Yuyuko as she turned to the raffle box, "Now… The first of three winners is…!" she drew a ticket, and immediately mounted a difficult expression.

"Is…?" asked Marisa with anticipation.

"…"

"Well!?" demanded of Marisa, suspicion growing.

"…" Yuyuko crumpled up the ticket and threw it to the side, "Ahh… Sorry about that… That was a void ticket…" she said flatly, "Now I will pick the three winners-"

"OI! That's my ticket, isn't it!?" shouted Marisa, "I've just won, haven't I!?"

"_What are you talking about_~?" smiled Yuyuko as she attempted to kick away the crumpled ticket, but in a flash of blue, Marisa had shot forth upon her broom like a shooting star and snagged away the crumpled ticket.

"Where did she keep the broom…?" asked Sanae.

"… Hah! It _is_ my name ze!" Marisa shoved the ticket in Yuyuko's annoyed face, before turning to point at Youmu triumphantly, "Since I'm the first to win, that means you'll spend your first day as a wife with me, right?"

"W-W-Well…!" Youmu looked away, feeling cornered. I have to spend my first day as wife with _this_ girl of all girls…!?

"T'ch… Fine then…" Yuyuko relented, "Marisa-san is one of the winners of Youmu-chan… Happy now…?" she asked of Marisa dryly.

"YES!" Marisa fist-pumped. Youmu hung her head in defeat.

"Honestly, what is she so happy about…?" Alice crossed her arms disapprovingly.

"Now I shall pick the first three winners," continued Yuyuko.

"Wait what?" picked up Marisa immediately, "First three- Didn't I just…?"

"Marisa-san will have her turn _after_ these three winners," added Yuyuko slyly.

"Wait! That's unfair! I won first!" argued Marisa.

F-Four now…!? I have to be wife to four people now…!? Youmu looked up, sobbing.

"If Marisa-san is unhappy with her prize, she may choose to forfeit~" Yuyuko taunted Marisa, rendering her speechless. Before Marisa could mount a retort, Yuyuko quickly drew three tickets in succession and announced the other winners, "Let's see now… Hakurei Reimu!"

"Huh!? Why do I have to have such a troublesome gift!?" grumbled Reimu. Youmu coughed.

"Izayoi Sakuya!"

"This is going to be interesting… My own servant for a day…" fantasised Sakuya with a troubling smirk on her face. Youmu shivered.

"Kochiya Sanae!"

"Eh? W-What should I do? D-Do I need to prepare a bigger futon…?" fretted Sanae. Youmu sweat-dropped.

"Reimu-san, Sakuya-san, Sanae-san and… geh… M-Marisa-san… So that's the order of the four first prize winners!" concluded Yuyuko, "For four consecutive days, our delightful Konpaku Youmu will serve each of the winners for one day, and these four very lucky girls will get to experience the highest quality of service they have ever had!"

The crowd politely applauded a rather surreal moment, and Youmu gave a long drawn sigh. Great… My greatest battle yet is about to arrive… Reimu-san, Sakuya-senpai, Sanae-san and Marisa-san… Of all the people I have to face, it'll be them…! She looked over Reimu, Sakuya and Sanae below stage, where they were discussing amongst themselves what they were going to do with such a troublesome/interesting/awkward prize.

"Will I be alright, I wonder…?" tempted Youmu of fate, and in response an arm reached round her shoulder. She froze in fear.

"Hey~"

Youmu rigidly turned to her left, and found Marisa's face uncomfortably close, her blonde locks tickling Youmu's cheek. She could almost see the sparkles in Marisa's wide-opened, golden eyes, and her own expression of despair mirrored cheerily in them.

"I'm looking forward to spending my day with you ze~!" said Marisa, her brilliantly golden eyes closing in a smile.

Youmu gulped. Hakugyokurou's honour is not something easy to defend, Grandpa…

* * *

"Nnngh…?" Youmu stirred in her bed, opening her eyes to a shapeless phantom floating just above her face. Looking out her window, she saw that the outside's morning light was steadily growing, even as the sky remained dark and cloudy; A confusing phenomenon for those unacquainted with the Netherworld.

"It's time already, isn't it…?" she yawned, "As expected, I'm punctual as ever…" she spoke to the phantom, "But for once, I wish I'd actually slept in…" and for the first time ever, Youmu turned over in her bed and pulled the covers back on. However, the phantom would not allow such sloppiness, and repeatedly bounced up and down upon her.

"Ahh, I get it already!" Youmu tossed away her covers and sat up, "T'ch… Why does my discipline nag at me so…?" she grumbled, but got to her feet anyways.

"Yawn~ Must… prepare… breakfast for-" Youmu stopped herself short, irritation growing. Yuyuko-sama… Making me a prize in the raffle… Without even telling me…!

"Hey… I'm thinking of just preparing some toast today for Yuyuko-sama… Maybe with a raw egg on the side…" Youmu said to her phantom companion darkly, and the phantom startled, "And I won't let discipline get in the way either!" she shot it a glare, the phantom retreating to a corner.

* * *

"Yawn~ Youmu…? What's for breakfast today…?" asked Yuyuko as she walked into her private dining room. It was a simple but large room, with a long, low table with seating for fourteen. However, today the table looked rather lonely. At her usual sitting spot were nothing but a plate of toast and a dish of a single raw egg.

"Y-Youmu!?" startled Yuyuko, "Erm… That's… not all I'm having for breakfast, is it…?"

"Hmm…? What's wrong, Yuyuko-sama…?" said Youmu coldly as she emerged from the kitchen while fixing up her hair ribbon, a phantom floating behind her in nervous silence, "Ah… I'm very sorry, Yuyuko-sama, but I'm in a hurry, you see," she explained flatly, "Today's the first of four days I have to spend as someone's wife."

"Youmu-chan… You're not angry at me, are you…?" Yuyuko cautiously asked.

"Huh? Oh no, Yuyuko-sama," assured Youmu sarcastically, "Oh, and since I won't be around for the next four days, Yuyuko-sama will have to take care of her own meals, okay?"

"…! T-That's right… Youmu won't be here for awhile…!" Yuyuko was stumped by this simple fact.

"Hmm…? You didn't consider that before _betraying me away_, Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu looked over her shoulder smugly as she made to exit the room, "Well… I'm terribly sorry, but _Youmu-chan_ needs to go now…" Turning around, Youmu bowed robotically, "Please take good care of yourself, Yuyuko-sama," and Youmu left the building.

"W-Wait a minute! I have to take care of my own- Wait Youmu! Waaait!" Yuyuko cried after her servant, but it was too late. Youmu had left.

"Wait… Wait a- Fufufu…" Yuyuko's faked crying was replaced by sniggers, "Haha… Oh that Youmu! She can be _sooo_ adorable when she tries…" Yuyuko sighed and shook her head, "Youmu-chan, Youmu-chan~! Yuyuko-sama has been around for a long time, you know? Don't you go underestimating me now!" she hummed with delight as she entered the kitchen.

"Let's see now… Which sake would Yukari-chan like best? Can't visit her house without bringing over good sake~!" chimed Yuyuko.

"Four whole days of following around my adorable Youmu… This is going to be the best show ever!"

**Chapter End**


	3. With Reimu, Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**With Reimu, Part 1: Ye Olde Moe**

"Mmm… I know I was the one that ignored her but… now I'm worried… Will Yuyuko-sama be alright?" wondered aloud Konpaku Youmu as she made her way towards the Hakurei shrine, "S-She won't die of hunger, will she?" Youmu fretted a little.

Her phantom companion turned to her confusedly.

"R-Right… She's already dead, forgot…" Youmu said to it sheepishly, "Well, I guess that means I have nothing to worry about! Ahaha…" she tried laughing off her anxieties, "T-That's right! I'm here because of Yuyuko-sama in the first place, so she should worry about herself!" she rekindled her conviction.

The phantom stared at Youmu for a moment, before decidedly turning back to the path they were travelling upon. Soon they arrived at a Torii gate, where a path led to a set of stairs.

Youmu sighed, "Okay… Time for my 'husband' of the day…" And she and the phantom began ascending the stairs to the shrine-

A corpse.

"… Wah!?" Youmu nearly lost her footing and fell off the stairs, "A-A body!?"

Next to her, halfway up the stairs, lay face down the body of a small girl. Atop her head precariously perched a dark blue, small round hat, taller than it was wide. Her long gray hair was tied in a ponytail, and she wore a purple skirt and a baggy, triple-layered tunic of gold, green and white layers inside-out. Her body was bruised and her clothing torn in places.

"T-This isn't Reimu-san's doing, is it…?" Youmu and her phantom companion exchanged glances. Youmu shook her head, frightened. The phantom shook even more vigorously. Youmu put her foot down, and thus the phantom reluctantly approached the corpse-

"GADZOOKS! WHO GOES THERE!?" the girl pressed up on her arms, her hat falling off her head down the steps-

"AHHHHHHHH! !" Youmu screamed, the phantom darted away, and both retreated to the far edge of the steps, holding one another tightly.

"EGAD!? What horrifies thee!?" the girl's eerie, blue-gray eyes turned upon Youmu and-

"HYAAHH! ! A-A ZOMBIE! !" Youmu shrieked while the phantom made to shriek, but… could not because it was a phantom.

"WHERE!? Whereinsoever doth this accursed ghoul lurk- Ah! My hat!" the girl felt the top of her head, "My hat did off my head!" and the girl got to her feet, glancing about her anxiously, "Oh! There doth it lie!" the girl spotted her hat at the bottom of the stairs, made to run to it, tripped and… "OUCH! OW! OW! OUCH!" crashed down the stairs.

Youmu and her phantom companion slowly peered over. The body that had lain next to them was now crumpled at the bottom step, her bum up in the air and her knees next to her head, arms sprawled.

"S-She's still alive, isn't she…?" wondered Youmu, just now beginning to realise that the corpse was not a corpse. An awkward moment passed before her phantom companion smacked her on the head.

"Ow! It couldn't be helped!" defended Youmu as she made her way back down the steps, "I was scared!" she told the phantom silently lecturing after her. Youmu knelt next to the girl and…

Lacy side-tie bikini panties… Q-Quite an outfit beneath that conservative clothing… "H-Hello?" Youmu hesitantly asked the bikini-bottomed girl, "Are you alright-"

"Gadzooks!" the girl suddenly sat up and Youmu jumped, "That hurt, forsooth!" she rubbed the back of her head, tearing a little, "'Tis embarrassing, for I to be suffering- no… _bothered_ still from mortal pains!"

"Gah! Don't do that, geez!" Youmu calmed down, then urged the girl gently, "Come on, we need to treat your injuries, you're hurt!"

"Huh? Injuries? Nary!" the girl winced in pain however, then looked at Youmu stubbornly and insisted once more, "NARY! My body is a Shinkaisen's! It doth suffer not from- Oww…!"

Youmu sighed at the girl's obstinacy, "Look, you're hurt no matter how you slice it. Let's get you to the Hakurei Shrine and see if Reimu-san can do something about it," she suggested, "I'm on my way there myself actually, so…"

"Thou cannot be serious?" asked the girl darkly, and Youmu paused in confusion, "Suggest I go thither, to the shrine for aid? W-Who dost thou think responsible for my condition…?" the girl trembled in fear.

So this _is_ Reimu-san's doing after all…! Youmu shivered. S-Still…

"Haah… Come on! We've got no choice!" Youmu forcefully hoisted the girl, "We need to treat those wounds! I'll go talk to Reimu-san, I'm sure we can work out any misunderstandings."

"No! NO! Where dost thou carry me!?" struggled the girl, her hand stubbornly holding her funny little hat upon her head despite it refusing to stay there, "THERE LURK MONSTERS IN THAT SHRINE!"

* * *

"Oh? Youmu-san?" As soon as Youmu and the girl reached the top of the steps, they found the shrine maiden sitting by the porch of the shrine, a cup of tea in her hands, "You actually came- Geh!? Why did you bring that girl back…?" Hakurei Reimu questioned Youmu about the girl she was leading.

"Reimu-san! Why did you attack this girl!?" Youmu demanded, "She's hurt all over!"

"Hah? Youmu-san, did you forget who she was already?" asked Reimu, and Youmu, puzzled, took a closer look at the funny speaking, funnily dressed little girl.

"…? Reimu-san's right… You _do_ look kind of familiar…" Youmu scrutinised.

"Ahh… Have we met afore…?" the girl too began to recognise Youmu. Both gasped at the same time.

"Ah! You're that Taoist hermit from that 'Ten Desires' incident!" "Ack! Art not thou the scary swordsman that vanquished- no… _hindered_ me!?"

Both leapt away from each other. Youmu drew one of her two katanas strapped to her waist and took a stance. The girl drew out a plate-like magic artefact, but soon collapsed to her knees in pain.

"Haah… Of course, she's already injured…" Youmu sheathed her sword and walked over, offering a hand, "You may have been an opponent once, but that doesn't mean I can simply ignore someone who's hurt..." she said, "Your name was… Futo-san, wasn't it?"

"Haah…! This young lady…!" the girl looked up, moved, "She understands our values! Mononobe no Futo is my name!" said Futo eagerly, "Youmu-dono, was it not?" she grasped Youmu's hand with much enthusiasm, "Dare I inquire? Art thou willing to lend thy mind to the glorious teachings of Taoism? A great potential, thou wields, for thou hast naught but a saint's heart!"

"Ahh…! I… don't quite know about that…" sweat-dropped Youmu, "Y-You see, I'm not exactly religious-"

"But insist I must!" Futo stood up, now tightly clinging on to Youmu's arm, "Thou art a compatriot in spirit!"

"N-Now wait just a moment!" Youmu struggled both physically and mentally against Futo. Those puppy eyes of hers…! What does she expect me to do, say yes…!?

"Thou art a fine swordsman, possessive of tremendous skill and discipline, forsooth!" continued a shining Futo, as if she had found a diamond, "Should thou join our ranks, a great many deeds shalt thou accomplish erelong- Ouch!"

"Alright, that's enough of you!" Futo's recruitment was interrupted by a smack to the head from Reimu, who had actually bothered to leave her seat, "Honestly! Your persistent 'missionary work' is what really irritates me!"

"Gii!" Futo clutched at her head in pain, "B-Brutish _monster_!" she shot Reimu a tearful glare.

"Is that why you attacked her?" asked Youmu uneasily, "That's a bit excessive, don't you think?"

"Trust me, I tolerated her to the best of my ability!" recounted Reimu, "I even listened to her preaching for a whole hour! But when she even followed me into the toilet it really was the last straw!" her temple twitched at the memory of it, "I mean geez! Is watching other people pee some twisted past-time of yours!?" she told off Futo.

"But…!" Futo teared up again, "No one listened save for thee! I-I had invested much effort in my mission, and did sincerely hope that fortune would present itself to me with this attempt…" she sniffled.

Gah! Reimu and Youmu stepped back in surprise. Did we do something wrong…?W- Why does it feel like we've done something wrong…!?

"Haah… Look," began Reimu hesitantly, "I'm sorry to hear that your um… missionary work isn't going so well, but that's how it is for all religions nowadays… I mean it's not like I don't understand your situation… My own shrine is rather pitiful- Why are you holding on to your hat like that, it's really odd don't you know?" questioned Reimu. And indeed it was. Throughout the entire scene, Futo had one hand up upon her head like a monkey.

"I-I am without choice!" pouted Futo, "Thou snapped my hat's string when thou attacked me!"

Youmu and her accompanying phantom glanced accusatively at Reimu, and Reimu gave a big sigh, "Fine! Sheesh! First you come preach to me early in the morning and now this load of trouble shows up… Youmu-san, please bring Futo-san into the house and I'll see if I can't do something about that hat…" she turned back to her the shrine.

"Reimu-san…" Youmu gazed at Reimu in pleasant surprise. Reimu-san is actually a nice person, isn't she-

"Haah…! Thou hast my gratitude!" skipped Futo happily after Reimu, "Oh, but allow me to correct thee about my predicament. Our group is burdened not by a lack of funds, unlike thy shrine... Nary! Our influence doth steadily flourish by the day-" Futo stopped when Reimu halted and rigidly turned around, fire in her eyes.

"Oi… You _really _want me to punish you, don't you, you funny speaking brat!?" Reimu raised an angry fist. Futo yelped and Youmu chuckled awkwardly.

* * *

"There… That should take care of it," Youmu finished tending to Futo's wounds with some herbal ointment just as Reimu was done with repairing her hat.

"Here you go," Reimu handed over to Futo her fixed hat.

"Hoorah! Thou hast my sincerest of thanks!" Futo adorned her hat with delight, "Heehee… Youmu-dono eke possesses a healer's touch," she beamed.

"Just be careful, alright?" Youmu smiled in return, "The ointment merely provides relief."

The three were now in Reimu's living room, seated about the cosy Japanese-styled table. The screen doors were left wide open, where the spring's breeze and an occasional cherry petal made its way into the room. Reimu had been spending the last few minutes stitching on a new string to Futo's hat while the other two watched, sipping tea.

"Sorry about this, Youmu-san," Reimu said to Youmu, "You're my guest today, but I haven't paid much attention to you, have I?"

"No, not at all!" Youmu replied, "Actually… I-I think you've got it reversed there, Reimu-san," she embarrassedly scratched her cheek, "I mean, I'm the one that's supposed to serve you today, isn't it?"

"Oh, that's right," recalled Reimu simply, "You were supposed to be my wife today."

Youmu spat at Reimu's bluntness while Futo was shocked by the revelation.

"Egad! Thou art pledged to one another!? Forgive me, for I did not know!" Futo sat up straight, face blushing, suddenly uncomfortable about being here, "A-Am I intruding upon thy love-nest?" she fiddled her fingers meekly.

"Hyah!? NO! We're nothing like that!" Youmu cut across urgently like a red light.

"Huh? Art thou not Reimu-san's bride…?" Futo cocked her head.

"No, I'm not! I-I mean… the situation's _kind of_ complicated…" Youmu trailed off, trying to decide how best to explain it.

"Futo-san, Youmu-san is my wife for only today," Reimu sipped her tea nonchalantly.

Youmu slammed her head onto the table while Futo glanced back and forth between the two, before slowly coming to a misunderstanding, "Oh! 'Tis a phenomenon I have heard of! What was it… Aha! T'was called a 'Shotgun Wedding'!" Futo nodded, proud about possessing such modern information, "Alas! The youth are hasty and loose!" the young girl shook her head in disapproval.

Youmu looked up, jaw hanging. Reimu sipped more tea, and replied after a moment's thought, "Well, that's going to cause a few misunderstandings, but that sounds about right…"

"There's nothing right about it!" exclaimed Youmu.

"Hey, Youmu-san," Reimu glanced at Youmu through one eye, "All you've been doing until now is tsukkomi… Aren't you going to do anything wife-like for me?"

"All you've done is tsukkomi too…" grumbled back Youmu, "What is this, a comedy? Well, is there anything Reimu-san would like me to do?" she asked.

"Ask properly," Reimu reprimanded, "You're my wife, right?" she reminded, and Youmu flinched. "Just for the record, I don't care much for this 'wife game' your master's got," explained Reimu, "But since you're here to trouble me for a whole day, you might as well do it properly…" she sipped yet more tea.

"… Am I really bothering you that much…?" muttered Youmu sadly, "Haah… Once again, Yuyuko-sama has troubled others with her antics… I understand!" Youmu switched to her 'serious gardener mode', "A master's sin is her servant's sin!" she declared, and got up from the table.

"… What are you doing?" watched Reimu suspiciously, and startled when Youmu suddenly sat before her in formal Seiza-style and bowed her head to the floor.

"Danna-sama?" she asked with utmost formality, "Is there any small comfort that Youmu can provide Danna-sama with?" Youmu looked up with eyes that desired nothing more than to serve her master.

Reimu spat regret along with her tea, "Gah! W-What are you- Cut it out! I was joking, I was joking!" her hands flailed about, "R-Reimu! Just call me Reimu! And there's no need to act like my wife!" she hurriedly urged.

Youmu, pleasantly surprised by Reimu's kindness, felt warmth in her chest. She sat up, her sincere smile troubling Reimu, "In that case Reimu-san, is there anything you'd like Youmu to do for you?" she asked gently.

"Urk… S-Stop it with that tone, you're creeping me out…" Reimu glanced away uncomfortably, and instead met eyes with Futo.

"… Thou may be a violent monster… But thou art possessive of heart!" Futo grinned her approval.

"S-Stop that, seriously! What's with this sudden heart-warming session!?" Reimu looked about with a troubled red face while Youmu and Futo shared a giggle.

The three had a moment of peaceful silence, but suddenly an uncomfortable feeling crept upon them.

"H-Hey… Doesn't it feel like we're being watched or something…?" asked Youmu uneasily.

"Eh? Youmu-dono as well? I have felt the same…" added Futo.

"There _is_ someone watching us…" agreed Reimu, and all three looked out the door-

Kirisame Marisa.

"GYAAAHHH! !" screamed the three girls. The blonde witch in question was openly sitting crossed-legged just outside on the porch, a creepy grin plastered to her face.

"Took ye long enough!" Marisa laughed, "I was here all day, da ze!"

* * *

"Whew! _That_ was close…!" Yuyuko drew away from the portal she had been spying through. On the other side were Youmu and company in Reimu's sitting room, "I thought we were almost caught there!" she turned to her fellow voyeur, Yakumo Yukari. The pair were in Yukari's house, specifically Yukari's room, a dish of peanuts and a bottle of sake for each of them. The perfect atmosphere for watching a reality show.

"I told you not to worry, Yuyuko-chan," Yukari reassured her, "My little peepholes won't get discovered that easily… I spy on Reimu like this all the time and she barely detects a quarter of the occasions, and you know _she's_ sharp," said Yukari, "Still, did you plan the whole raffle just to spy on your little Youmu?" she asked.

"Hmm… Not really," answered Yuyuko honestly, "The idea just sort of came to me when I was thinking of what to give for a first prize."

"So basically you're doing whatever whim comes to mind?" asked Yukari with a smile.

"Yep!" grinned Yuyuko, "Do you hate it, Yukari-chan?"

"Nope! I love it!" said Yukari, and the two clinked their sake cups together.

**Chapter End**

* * *

**I would like to first off apologise for butchering the archaic English language... and English in general, actually... Though I would like to secondly say that it was kind of fun. Attempting to use archaic English that is, n-not the act of butchering it…**


	4. With Reimu, Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**With Reimu, Part 2: Money can't buy love, but it sure makes it easier**

"Yo!" Kirisame Marisa beamed, "Marisa hijack da ze!"

Bang!

And the creepy blonde witch was no more.

"… Jeez, don't creep us out like that! Don't you be stalking around _my_ house, Marisa!" Reimu scolded empty air, eyes glaring, an extended finger still smoking from its danmaku bullet. Futo and Youmu were hugging each other in the background, terrified.

"R-Reimu-san! W-Who are you talking to?" Youmu trembled, "Marisa-san's already gone…!"

"Gadzooks!" cried Futo, "Thou murdered that girl!"

Reimu, still staring out towards the empty porch, frowned, "I wish…"

"Whew… _That_ was close ze! Hehe… I'm getting better at dodging Reimu it seems!"

Futo and Youmu turned to the other side of the table and…

Marisa for the second friggin-

"GYAAAHHH! !" the two girls, without another thought, pounced upon the witch and proceeded to beat the hell out of the jump-scare.

"Who's overreacting now…?" deadpanned Reimu as she observed the scene.

* * *

"Ooof…" groaned Marisa as she and the others were seated about the table, her clothes tattered, her face bruised, "Ufufufu… Youmu is such a rough girl da ze…" she mustered a smirk, "I don't hate girls like that…"

"M-Marisa-san!" exclaimed a shocked Youmu.

"You're really just asking for another beating, aren't you…?" Reimu sighed, "What are _you_ doing here?"

Marisa acted startled, "Huh? What do you mean by that? I'm obviously here for my wife ze!" she clung onto Youmu lovingly.

"Kyah!? M-Marisa-san!?" Youmu started prying at the witch to no avail.

"Ah, Youmu-_chan~_!" Marisa snuggled against Youmu's shoulder, "I can't _wait_ for my turn to be with you~!"

"Egad!? W-What is this?" Futo asked Reimu, a little distressed, "What doth Marisa-dono mean by 'her turn'? Is Youmu-dono wedded to both her and Reimu-dono? O-Or is this what they call that wicked, _immoral_… Kuh…! 'W-Wife swa-'"

"AAAAHHHH! !" Youmu nearly screamed her head off, scaring everyone, "FUTO-SAAAN! ! !" and she pushed Futo straight into the wall, her mind unable to express _her_ distress at the moment.

"Why is it that you've only picked up bad modern-day concepts …?" Reimu asked Futo dryly, "And Marisa! Youmu-san isn't yours to collect!" she told off the witch, "Stop harassing the poor girl!"

"R-Reimu-san…" Youmu blushed. Reimu-san… kind of sounded cool back there…

"Ouch…" grunted Futo from her indention in the wall.

"Ooh… Protecting your wife there, huh?" Marisa teased Reimu, "Too bad… _You won't be able to keep her from me ze_!" she challenged her rival in love, "Youmu's heart is steadily becoming mine!"

Youmu's heart fluttered at being actually quarrelled over while Futo peeled off from the crack in the wall.

"You can have her in three days' time, don't be so impatient…" Reimu sipped her tea.

"_What's with that apathetic attitude_!?" Marisa cried, "At least _try_ to play along, Reimu!"

Youmu's jaw plummeted while Futo crumpled head over heels, her bum once again in the air. The other three turned to look.

Lacy side-tie bikini panties…

"For someone that speaks in such an archaic manner, she sure has really modern tastes in underwear…" remarked Reimu, a little insecure in her girl power at the moment.

"… Forget Youmu, I'll have her," Marisa licked her lips.

"Marisa-san! Leave Futo-san alone!" Youmu threatened quite seriously, her tolerance close to breaking.

"D-Do not worry about me…" croaked Futo from beneath her exposed rear, "My body is that of a shinkaisen's…"

The others sweat-dropped.

"I-I'll go prepare lunch," volunteered Youmu, "It's almost time, so…" but as she turned to go to the kitchen, her wrist was tightly grasped by two hands. Looking down, Youmu was startled by the sight of Reimu clinging on her, her eyes wide and endearing.

"R-Reimu-san…? W-What's wrong…?" Youmu asked hesitantly.

"Youmu-san…" Reimu breathed Youmu's name meekly.

"Y-Yes?" Youmu hand started to quiver beneath Reimu's.

"You're… not going to use my kitchen, are you?" Reimu asked.

"O-Of course I am, where else am I going to…?" Youmu paused, her eyes travelling over to where Futo and Marisa sat eagerly.

"Oooh! Youmu-dono is going to cook for us?" Futo asked anticipatively, "I shall delight to partake in this meal!"

"I want to eat soba!" Marisa raised her hand eagerly like a little girl.

"Please!" Youmu glanced back down and was shocked by Reimu's sobbing, "Those two idiots are going to stay for lunch and I've got almost nothing left for myself!" she desperately said through clenched teeth.

"Ahh…! I-I'll go buy some ingredients at the market!" Youmu awkwardly offered, "It's not that far, and I've got some money on me anyway-"

"Youmu!"

Youmu's breath left her as Reimu flung herself tightly around the surprised swordsman, "You're my angel, Youmu-chan…" wept Reimu gratefully into Youmu's ear.

"Ahhh! R-Reimu-san…!" Youmu blushed. She could feel Reimu's warmth pressed into her body-

"I never thought winning you would actually be worth something…!" Reimu sniffled.

"D-Don't mention it, Reimu-san…" that warmth quickly drained out of a disappointed Youmu.

"AAAHHH!" Everyone turned to see Marisa on her feet, her finger pointed at the still embracing Reimu and Youmu in sheer disbelief.

"What…?" asked Reimu, "You're looking like an idiot, Marisa…"

"Y-Youmu-chan!" stuttered Marisa, "D-Do you really prefer Reimu over me!?"

The spring wind sighed by.

"You're really an idiot, aren't you?" said everyone in unison.

* * *

"Got it, Marisa?" Reimu turned back to Marisa as she prepared to leave, Youmu already waiting at the door for her, "Youmu and I are just going to go to the market for a bit, so watch over the house, alright? _And I don't want to find anything missing when I get back, clear_?" she strongly emphasised that last bit to the thieving witch.

"Yeah, yeah…" waved Marisa, "In exchange, make sure you bring back Youmu _unspoilt_, okay!?" she strongly emphasised _that_ bit, "The rest of us haven't got a chance with her yet!"

"I-Idiot Marisa!" Reimu flustered, "I'm not going to do anything to her!"

"Am I really going to be alright over the next few days, I wonder…?" sighed Youmu

"Do not worry, Reimu-dono!" Futo put a hand to her heart, "I too shall watch this home as I endure the wait for Youmu-dono's soba!"

"And I thought the feast (nuisance) was already over…" grumbled Reimu, "Well, whatever… See you two later," and she and Youmu left. Futo and Marisa, now alone, stared at each other over the table for an absentminded moment.

"So uh…" Marisa began, "What's up with those _incredibly sexy panties_ ze…?" she asked conversationally with _just_ a hint of intention.

"B-Beg your pardon…?" Futo backed off uneasily, now fully conscious of the fact that she was alone with _the_ Kirisame Marisa.

"Reimu-san?" asked Youmu as she and Reimu made their way out down the stairs and out of the shrine grounds, "Was it really okay of us to just leave Futo-san alone with Marisa-san? Somehow I'm getting the feeling something bad will happen…" she glanced back at the now out of sight shrine.

"Who cares…?" shrugged a blasé Reimu.

"T-That's Reimu-san for you, as expected…" Youmu commented awkwardly to herself, "So um… Marisa-san and Futo-san wanted soba…" Youmu said to Reimu, "But what does Reimu-san want?" she asked.

"Huh…? Oh, anything will do, I guess…" Reimu answered nonchalantly, but was quickly surprised to a halt when Youmu dashed out in front and spun round, her face leaning in to frown at Reimu.

"No good!" scolded the wife, "I'm here to serve Reimu-san today, not Marisa-san or Futo-san, so it has to be something Reimu-san wants!" she jabbed a finger to Reimu's nose.

"Ahh...! T-Then I want soba too, I guess…" Reimu leaned away uncomfortably, eyes averting. But that was no good either, and Youmu maintained her sternness. "T-Then something heavier then… How about miso ramen instead…? I haven't had that in quite awhile…! Ahaha…" Reimu glanced back at Youmu, but it was still no good, "F-Fine! Give me the full course!" she demanded, "Tempura and pork slices and throw in a grilled salmon too!"

Youmu smiled, "You see, that wasn't so difficult, was it?" and she walked off ahead of Reimu, Reimu staring after her in confusion.

"I don't get it…" she said as she trailed Youmu, "Why are you taking this so seriously… This 'w-wife game'…" Reimu muttered off awkwardly.

"Well… I'm not really doing it because of Yuyuko-sama…" Youmu paused, blushing, "I-If Reimu-san wanted, she could have asked more of me… I'd imagine Marisa-san would…" she sweat-dropped, "But you were very kind to me today, so I uh… just thought I should repay it…" she admitted, her hands clutched shyly together.

All of a sudden though, Reimu snatched one of her hands away and ran ahead of Youmu.

"R-Reimu-san…!?" gasped Youmu as she was pulled along.

"What are you spacing out for, idiot wife!" Reimu grinned as she looked back, "I'm hungry! Don't just stand there being all lovey-dovey with yourself, it's creepy!" she teased.

"Ahaha..." Youmu smiled sheepishly, "Yes, Reimu-san…" The smile turned into a gentle one, and the two continued to sprint off into the distance, hand in hand, towards youth and spring…

For about thirty seconds.

"Hey um… Youmu-san doesn't actually have the means to pay for all that food, right?"

"… D-Don't worry, Reimu-san! I'll think of something!"

"N-No! It's okay! Really! I was just thinking of eating soba too, so let's stick with that, a-alright…?"

* * *

The village market: a wide street in the human village lined on either side by eateries, butchers and grocers with grain and spices. In the middle were two more rows of stalls, back-to-back, selling even more food and vegetables. Mats were laid out in organised haphazardness upon the divided street; some served as showcases to the stores they were set before, others functioned as stalls for the stall-less. Since it was already noon, the market was not terribly busy at the moment, but business still hummed along as eateries restocked and villagers decided on tonight's dinner menu.

"Look, Reimu-san! They've got a discount for the market!" Youmu pointed out to a large banner, similar banners put up all around, attempting to entice customers as they beckoned in the spring breeze.

"Ah… I've forgotten they do that this time of year…" Reimu said.

"Maybe you can have that tempura after all!" Youmu said eagerly to Reimu, "Come on! Let's go find something you like!"

"Well…" Reimu blushingly scratched her cheek as Youmu silently urged with a cheerful smile.

"Ah! Discounts' got your attention, I see?" asked a hoarse voice.

The two girls turned to see a middle-aged woman behind them, a traditional jacket about her toughened shoulders and a headband around her sweaty forehead.

"Um… Sorry madam, you are…?" asked Youmu politely.

"Oh, it's one of the local butchers," Reimu greeted the familiar face, "Of course we'd be interested in discounts, who wouldn't be?" she crossed her arms genially.

"Haha… Sorry to tell you, Reimu-chan, but this year's spring discount's a little different!" she grinned, "You see, last year's business wasn't exactly great, and the winter's a huge damper on revenue of course… So this year, in order to boost sales, the market's agreed on a 'family discount'," she informed the two.

"'Family discount'…?" Reimu and Youmu glanced at each other, puzzled.

"That's right! Unless you bring family along to buy stuff together, you don't get a discount!" the woman chuckled heartily with a dash of sheepishness, "It's an obvious sales ploy… Buut nothing wrong with a little business policy going hand-in-hand with family values, is there?" she put her raw hands on her hips.

"Yes, yes…" dismissed Reimu with an uninterested façade, "You lot are pretty desperate, aren't you?"

"Hahaha…! We're in better shape than the shrine, at least!" joked the woman, and Reimu flinched, "Don't worry, Reimu-chan! You've got that young, silver-haired girl with you, so you're in luck! My own family store's offering a 30% offer on most cuts!"

"I'm in luck?" "Reimu-san's in luck?" echoed Reimu and Youmu confusedly.

"Yup, that's right!" the woman then glanced between the two with some puzzlement, "You two aren't family? I thought you were sis-"

"SHE'S MY WIFE! !" Reimu introduced Youmu to the entire village without hesitation.

"Huh…?" the woman was stumped, her mouth still frozen in a smile.

"R-Reimu-san! W-W-What are you doing!?" Youmu grabbed the delusional shrine maiden desperately.

"H-Hurry up, Youmu-san!" whispered Reimu, highly embarrassed but savagely persistent, "Tell them you're my wife! You _are_ my wife for today, aren't you? We can pull this off!"

"Y-Yes, there's that Reimu-san, but you do realise that people will take it to mean that _I'm actually your wife_, don't you…?" urgently reminded Youmu, and Reimu gradually came round.

"Ah…" glancing about, it was only then that Reimu realised that a small crowd was being drawn by the commotion around her.

"Oh? Isn't that Reimu-chan?" asked one man, "Hehh… I didn't know she was married…"

"Did you just hear? Reimu-chan called that girl her wife!" giggled one girl to another, "How cute!"

"Ahh… The youth are rather carefree, aren't they?" an elderly woman clucked her tongue cheerily.

"Kuuh…!" Reimu's blush turned a deep scarlet, "W-What have I done…?" she put her hands to her mouth shamefully.

"Ahh~! Onee-chan~! Don't go saying such embarrassing things~!"

"H-Huh!?" Reimu looked down and nearly rocketed at the sight of Youmu hugging her tightly, her face snuggling between her chest.

"Onee-chan~! I know you _love~_ to dote on me, but c-c-calling me 'wife' in public is… Kyah~! A-A little embarrassing~" Youmu crooned like the perfect fantasy of a little sister.

"Y-Y-Y-Youmu-san!? W-What are you…?" Reimu's stammering heart literally stopped when Youmu looked up from between her breasts with eyes wide and pleading. T-Those great orbs of teal shaded silver…!

"P-Please, Reimu-san! P-Play along for the moment…!" Youmu yelped in a small voice, "W-We'll pretend we're sisters…!"

"… A-Ahahaha! S-Sorry, Youmu-chan!" Reimu patted Youmu's head robotically, "R-Reimu-onee-chan-" she gagged a bit, "R-Reimu-onee-chan got carried away with her joking there! S-Sorry, sorry! Ahahaha…!"

"Huh…" the woman butcher scratched her head, and decided best to smile it off, "I see…! I knew Reimu-chan was the kind to dote on her sister! Mmm mmm! Reimu-chan is a good girl, isn't she?" she laughed her approval.

"N-N-No I'm not! Ahahaha…!" Reimu forced a giggle.

"But… Isn't she Youmu-onee-sama from Hakugyokurou?" pointed out a small voice.

Everyone turned to see a young school boy standing before Reimu and Youmu, his eyes on 'Youmu-onee-sama' in puzzlement.

Crap! Thought Reimu and Youmu.

"Ohh… That's right, isn't it?" added the man from before, "Now that I recall, you two come from different households, don't you?" And various other villagers voiced similar recollections.

"Ah! A-Actually… R-Reimu-onee-chan helped me out a lot before…" Youmu embraced Reimu even more fondly, "S-So she's really like an Onee-chan to me, t-that's why I call her that… _I-I really like her a lot_!" It took all of Youmu's courage just to say that last part.

And because she used all her courage, she ended up yelling it. To the world.

"Ahh… Yes, young girls often form bonds like that, don't they?" chuckled the elderly woman.

"_How cute~_!_ Kyah~_!" the two girls clutched each other's hands in fits of giggles.

"Ahaha… So you two aren't actually family, huh…" the woman butcher shook her head with a hearty grin, "Never you mind though! Sisterly love is always good! So I'll still give you that discount for you two 'sisters'!" she declared. And the rest of the market voiced their agreement, to Reimu and Youmu's troubles.

"Reimu-chan!" the woman butcher clapped a hand on Reimu's shoulder, "Take Youmu-chan with you later and come visit our store, okay? We've only got the best meats in season!" she grinned, gave Reimu's shoulder a pat and returned to her shop, "It's a promise, alright?" she waved.

Reimu stared after her, frozen, before hearing the sound of someone slumping to her knees. Glancing to her right, her heart leapt straight out of chest in shock. Youmu was looking like something had died in her.

"I-I've just lost something important today…" mumbled Youmu in despair.

**Chapter End**

* * *

**Omake**

"Ahaha… How cute were those two…" the woman butcher shook her head as she made to enter her store, "They really were- Huh…?" Blood splattered right before her feet. Looking up in shock, she saw a hole in the sky, dripping blood like a faucet, quickly close up.

On the other side, Yukari retreated from the now closed portal while Yuyuko was sitting in a corner, clutching her nose in bliss.

"Haah… You nearly blew it there, Yuyuko-chan… No pun intended…" Yukari poured some sake into a glass for herself, "Are you going to be alright?" she asked. But it was a pointless question. Yuyuko was already sitting in a pool of her own nasal blood.

"H-How wonderful…!" the more-ghostly-than-usual ghostly mistress uttered, "I-I wonder if I could somehow get them to be even more intimate than that! Aahhh~!"

"Don't do it, Yuyuko-chan~ You'll die again~" Yukari shrugged and downed the entire glass of sake.


	5. With Reimu, Part 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

"I want a bathing scene!"

"Eh?"

"Listen, Yukari-chan!" Yuyuko told Yukari in their little 'Youmu spying' headquarters, "I want to see Youmu bathing!" she fantasised.

"Don't you see enough of her like that?" Yukari asked Yuyuko like it was the most natural question in the world.

"I do! But that's _me_ harassing Youmu!" Yuyuko pointed out like it was the most natural thing in the world, "What I want to see is my cute Youmu-chan enjoy skinship with a girl her age!"

"Hmm… I get what you mean," Yukari said, "Every time I spy on Reimu-chan in the bath, I sort of wished she wasn't alone to spice things up…" The two perverted hags glanced at each other and inevitably had a brainwave.

"Youmu-chan is with Reimu-chan today…" began Yukari.

"So let's get them to bath with each other!" finished Yuyuko enthusiastically.

"Let me handle this!" Yukari elected, "I've got just the plan…"

* * *

**With Reimu, Part 3: And then there was fanservice**

"That was embarrassing…" Youmu sighed as she and Reimu made their way back towards Reimu's home, Youmu carrying the shopping in a basket while Reimu followed silently behind, "I may not be able to face anyone again the next time I go back there… Well, at least the rest of the day should be alright…"

Reimu glanced up at Youmu guiltily, but said nothing.

"Ahh… All that has happened has sure got me tired…!" Youmu stretched a bit, "I can't wait to have soba to energise me a little~" she left a hook for the conversation to continue, but Reimu did not bite.

"… Reimu-san?" Youmu glanced back concernedly, "Is something wrong? You've been quiet this whole time…"

"Huh…? Oh… It's nothing…" Reimu averted eyes.

"… Reimu-san," Youmu paused and turned to squarely face Reimu, leaving Reimu with no choice but to confront her perceptive wife.

"… Haah… I… I'm very sorry for what happened in the market, Youmu-san," Reimu bowed low in apology, "I lost it for a moment and caused you so much trouble…"

"I-It's alright…" Youmu managed a smile. No, it's not… "There really is no need to worry about such a simple thing-"

"No! I must apologise!" Reimu stepped in with a hand to her heart, "I'm… also wondering how best to make it up to you…" she glanced away, blushing awkwardly.

Youmu, touched, gently clasped Reimu's hands, "Then… Why don't you cook with me?" she suggested kindly.

Reimu looked up into Youmu's eyes, "Huh…?"

"I'm sure Reimu-san is looking forward to my cooking," smiled Youmu, "I too would love to taste Reimu-san's cooking one more time!"

Reimu, cheering up, narrowed her eyes teasingly, "Greedy wife… Didn't I prepare most of yesterday's feast already…?" she argued.

"Haha… Then it's a promise, okay?" Youmu asked. Reimu gratefully nodded, and the two continued along their way side by side.

"Hmm… You know what?" spoke up Reimu after awhile, "Let's just make today a sleepover between us! How about that?" she grinned to Youmu.

Youmu grinned back, "Sure!"

* * *

But as Reimu and Youmu neared the house, a disturbing declaration master-sparked through the closed screen doors.

"Trust me, Futo-chan! I'm Kirisame Marisa da ze! Love is my middle name!"

Reimu's outstretched hand screeched to a halt, and she and Youmu exchanged wary glances.

"A-Art thou sure this is what Taishi-sama intends…?"

"Of course ze! Do you really think she gave you _lingerie_ just to help you 'catch up with the times'?"

"Well… 'T-Twas what Taishi-sama said…That I had to learn thy modern ways…"

"Futo-chan… When you give someone you like clothing, don't you usually wish to see that person wear it?"

"Eh…!? 'S-Someone you like'… I-I do not think myself that close with T-T-Taishi-sama…!"

"Nonsense! Look! She gave you such a sexy pair of panties ze! It's certain she wants to see you in it!"

Reimu's hand clutched into a trembling fist while Youmu sweat-dropped. Marisa giving advice on love… I-It can only go one way…

"But s-see it…? It is underwear- H-How will she see it…?"

"Ufufu… Futo-chan… You already know the answer ze…"

"T-That's…!"

"What it obviously means… ufufu… _IS THAT SHE WANTS YOU NAKED IN BED DA ZE! !_"

"_MARISAAAAAA! !_" Reimu forcibly breached the ongoing discussions, and Marisa and Futo leapt away from the table.

"Reimu!? Hey! Let me go! I was just helping a girl out ze!" Marisa struggled against injustice as Reimu proceeded to drag her away from Futo while Youmu went to Futo's rescue.

"Ah! Please kindly unhand Marisa-dono!" pleaded Futo, cheeks flushed, "I-I find her counsel to be of tremendous value!"

"Ahaha… Futo-san, please don't learn from Marisa-san, okay?" Youmu held the innocent girl protectively by the shoulders.

"What's more! She gave you 'side-tie panties' ze!" Marisa shouted over to her protégé even as she continued to suffer the oppression of Reimu and morality, "'_Side-tie'_! It's so that she can easily unwrap you! Like a present! It means she wants to- Oompf!"

"_Will you just shut up already!?"_ Reimu demanded of the witch, but a sudden voice of uncertainty slackened her headlock.

"You know… she's p-probably right …"

Everyone turned to the now shaken-looking Youmu, her hands frozen white upon Futo's shoulders. "Youmu-san…?" asked Reimu, "What do you mean- How can Marisa be right? It's ridicu-"

"Yuyuko-sama used t-to give me clothing all the time…" recounted a traumatised Youmu, "And they were usually embarrassing outfits… And she would have me wear them… A-And then…!" Youmu trailed off incomprehensibly.

Everyone else gagged in shock. Just what happened to Youmu…?

"We jest! We jest!" Futo flustered urgently, "Taishi-sama will never do such a thing to me! Please be at ease, Youmu-dono…!"

* * *

"Whew…! Those really were the two best meals I've had ze!" Marisa kicked her legs from where she sat on the porch, "I don't think I've been so well fed in my life!"

"Forsooth!" next to her, Futo happily chirped her agreement, "To make such simple dishes fantastic! Youmu-dono, Reimu-dono… I could feast upon their cooking every day, and the experience shall never dull!"

"I know, right?" Marisa grinned, and she and Futo shared a laugh.

"They've bonded…" Reimu and Youmu on their side of the porch watched with sharpening unease.

It was evening now. The sun was low in the sky and the winds were lulling. Having fed the animals and washed the dishes, Reimu and Youmu adjourned to the porch to relax. Earlier, Youmu had spent her day helping Reimu with the cleaning and the laundry, although due to Reimu's surprising ("Hey!") diligence in her duties, and the fact that she lived alone, there was not much to do.

"Haah… In the end, we ended up babysitting Marisa and Futo-san instead…" Reimu sighed.

"That's right, isn't it…?" agreed Youmu tiredly, "Um… More sake?" she asked.

"Oh, thank you!" Reimu offered up her cup, and Youmu delicately served her sake.

"Here!" Youmu offered the cup back with a smile, and Reimu took it appreciatively.

From the sidelines, Marisa watched with open jealousy. Reimu and Youmu sure are getting along ze… "Hmph… Youmu-chan just doesn't know that I'm better for her than stupid Reimu…" she began speaking to no one in particular.

The lulling winds died.

"Um… Art thou already at thy limit…?" a concerned Futo asked, "Mayhaps it was too strong a sake…?"

"…!? I-I'm not a kid! I can hold my drink!" Marisa blushed at the backfire, "T'ch… Reimu! Youmu-chan! Did you not catch my drift!?" she shouted over.

"We'd catch it even if we were on the moon…" deadpanned the two, and Marisa slumped over, dejected.

"Why are you two getting along so well ze!?" with a sudden burst of energy, Marisa leapt right to her feet, "Why isn't Youmu-chan leaping into my chest right this instance!?"

"You ask the impossible…" lazily shot back Reimu and Youmu. Marisa, silenced, soberly sat back down.

"Ahaha… Do calm down, Marisa-dono… Here, have a drink!" Futo offered Marisa a cup, and for a moment Marisa stared at Futo like an estranged husband does a pretty woman at a bar.

"Ah~! Futo-chan~!" Futo yelped as Marisa suddenly flung herself around her, "Maybe I'll choose you after all ze!" she snuggled against Futo, "Stupid Youmu! You can go be with your 'Reimu-chan'! See if I care!" she stuck out her tongue at Youmu and Reimu.

"You're the only one that cares…" was all Youmu and Reimu had to say.

"M-Marisa-dono! Please, control thyself…!" Futo struggled with her excitable companion, when suddenly Marisa and Futo **accidentally** lost their balance and fell atop one another, sake spilling everywhere on their clothing.

"Ow…!" the two tangled up girls exclaimed.

"T'ch… Now look what you've done, Marisa…" grumbled Reimu. She got up to sort out the mess, but misjudged her step and **accidentally** kicked Youmu's sake glass straight onto her lap, soiling her skirt. "Ah! I-I'm sorry!" hastily apologised Reimu.

"No, it's okay!" replied Youmu, and she reached for her handkerchief. However, she **accidentally** elbowed the sake bottle, which fell over and spilled sake onto the porch. Reimu, **accidentally** stepping on the spilled sake, slipped and fell straight into the alcohol puddle.

"Ack! What's up with all these 'accidents'?" Reimu rubbed her sore rear, her clothes too now stained.

"Ugh… My apparel is dirtied…" complained Futo as she and Marisa recovered.

"Are you alright, Futo-chan?" asked Marisa as she and Futo recovered from their entanglement, "Sorry about just now…" she apologised sheepishly, before turning to Reimu, "Well that was quite the chain of events ze," said Marisa, "I think we'll all need a bath now…" she suggested sensibly.

"Haah… You're right…" Reimu reluctantly agreed, "Marisa, can I trouble you to heat the bath?"

"Leave it to me! My hakkero will make short work of it ze!" Marisa got up and helpfully went inside the house, Youmu and Futo staring after her in wonder.

"Marisa-san can be mature after all…" thought Youmu aloud.

"That idiot…" Reimu smiled.

But just then… "Wait a minute… I'M GOING BATHING WITH YOUMU-CHAN!?" a bloodcurdling howl emerged from within the house.

"Aha… Mayhaps thou should withhold upon thy judgement…?" Futo suggested awkwardly to a disappointed Youmu.

"That idiot…" Reimu deadpanned.

* * *

"Hey, Reimu… Do you mind getting out of the tub? It's crowded in here…" complained Marisa. She and Reimu were soaking themselves while Youmu and Futo were washing in the shower area. Despite Marisa's complaints, Reimu's bathroom was surprising spacious. The solid wooden tub for instance was just cosy enough for three – a vestige of the shrine's better days.

"Why are _you_ grumbling? You were the one who suggested we all bathe together…" Reimu laid back dismissively.

"That's because you have _zero _appeal ze~" Marisa huffed, "Even when naked in the water with me, you just can't get my heart pumping… Who I really want is Youmu-chan…" she too laid back dismissively… before being mercilessly dismissed into the water by Reimu.

"Stupid Marisa! T'ch…! You've ruined my mood!" Reimu got out of the tub and rejoined Youmu and Futo, who were watching awkwardly.

"Cough, cough, ack…! R-Reimu! You nearly drowned me ze!" Marisa surfaced indignantly.

"Here," Youmu jumped a little as Reimu knelt behind her and gave her shoulders a squeeze, "I'll help wash _your_ back," she offered with pointed favour.

"Reimu-san…" Youmu blushed, "Really, there's no need…"

"Don't be so reserved, Youmu-san," Reimu initially began wiping Youmu's back with zero intent. But soon mischief crept in, "Don't worry… I won't… do anything… funny!" and she stroked the small of Youmu's back.

"Hyah!? Reimu-san!?" Youmu turned around and attempted to swipe at Reimu in revenge, only for Reimu to graze the counterattack expertly.

"Haha! What's wrong, Youmu-san?" teased Reimu, "Did getting married dampen your skills?"

"Grr… That's nothing but baseless prejudice!" Youmu flung her towel around Reimu's wrist with great martial skill, reeling in the surprised shrine maiden, "How about now, huh, Reimu-san?" she smirked as she attacked Reimu's armpits.

"Gyah!? My -hahaha- S-Stop! I yield! I -hahaha- I yield!" Reimu collapsed onto Youmu, breathing heavily, before the two giggled together, "Aha… It's not bad to bathe with others like this, is it?" Reimu wiped a tear from her eye-

"Huuh! Huuh! _Huuh_!"

Youmu looked to her right and startled. Marisa was right next to her, looking utterly carnivorous.

"_Youmu-chan!"_ she panted, "_I-I'll play with you-_"

"No thank you," Youmu flat out refused.

"Why…!?" Marisa squatted in a corner, depressed, "Just what does Reimu have that I don't!?"

"Maybe it's appeal?" smirked Reimu.

"T'ch… Ahh, Futo-chan!" Marisa moved on to petite girl Number Two, "My heart doth lie in despair ze! Comfort me, afore I perish of loneliness…!" she twirled a few steps before collapsing dramatically across Futo's shoulders. But Futo did not respond.

"Huh…? Futo-chan…? What's wrong?" Marisa leaned over Futo's shoulder and asked concernedly, "You seem worried about something ze…" And indeed Futo had been silently sitting on the stool, her hands clutching her knees.

"N-No, it is nothing…" Futo looked away untruthfully.

"Futo-san?" Reimu leaned in to help, "If something's troubling you, you can tell us, can't you?"

"Well… That," Futo pointed up.

Floating at the ceiling was a large, shapeless phantom, like a creepy, unwanted voyeur spying on three lovely, naked girls.

"That… _thing_ has been following us the whole day…" Futo glanced at it uneasily, "No one said a word, so I too chose to ignore it… B-But now that it hath cometh in here with us…" she hugged her body worriedly.

"Oh…" uttered Reimu and Marisa as they stared at it. Yes, that certainly would be a cause for concern… "Youmu-san/chan?" they turned to the culprit, and Youmu flinched guiltily.

"Ah! Futo-san!" Youmu hurried to Futo's side, "Don't worry about it! It's not a voyeur or anything like that!" she assured Futo.

'Voyeur'…!? The phantom became dejected.

"Um… Then what is it?" asked Futo.

"Well… It's uh…" Youmu began pondering how to explain, but then the tiniest spark shot through her spine, paralysing her tongue. T-This sensation…!

"Ufufu… Perfect timing da ze…" Futo, Reimu, and a terrified Youmu turned to see Marisa grabbing the phantom by the tail, "I've missed out on some precious skinship with Youmu-chan… So I'm just a _little_ frustrated…" she licked her lips.

"M-Marisa-san…?" pleaded Youmu in a small, vulnerable voice, "Please… L-Let go of it…!"

"Heh… Futo-chan… You want to know what this thing is?" Marisa yanked the phantom down to her level, and Youmu yelped, "I'll show you what it is ze…" she gently laid a hand on the shivering phantom, "This thing… _is all of Youmu's buttons da ze_!" and with that, she stroked across the phantom.

"Mari- Hii…!?" Youmu clapped her hands to her chest and doubled over with a quiver.

"Um… Most intriguing…?" Futo, unsure of what was going on, could only appreciate the events in a bemused manner. Reimu had drawn out a talisman to shoot down Marisa, but somehow just could not bring herself to do it.

"Or how about here…?" Marisa grabbed a handful of the phantom and massaged it.

"A-Ahh~!" Youmu, trembling, hugged about her chest tighter.

"Ufufu~!" Marisa salivated, "Or how about here~!" she poked the phantom in the tail.

"Hyay!? Mari-!?" Youmu slid off her bathing stool and down onto her knees, one hand reaching straight between her legs and the other to silence her mouth.

"Or how about here!? Or here!? _Or here_, da ze uehehehe…!" Marisa attacked the phantom in various spots, and with each stroke produced ever more erotic vocalizations from Youmu against her will, the immobilised girl rather hot and bothered.

"M-Marisa… san- Ahhn~!" Youmu breathed, "P-Please stop- Hii…!"

"Hahaha!" laughed Marisa triumphantly, "_This… is the remote to Youmu-chan's heart da ze_!"

Bang!

Pichuun~!

Futo jumped in fright as Reimu stood shaking and blushing a good deal herself, her extended finger smoking. She had finally brought herself to exterminate the Marisa.

"Haah… Haah…! I-Idiot Marisa…!" Reimu pulled herself together, though she could not yet bare to gaze upon Youmu's delightful figure. "Futo-san… P-Please help Youmu-san up…" she asked of Futo.

"Uh… O-Okay…" Futo fearfully did as she was told, still unsure of what she had witnessed.

"My legs… I-I can't move them…" Youmu lay sprawled on the ground.

* * *

"Ooh… I understand now… Youmu-dono is a half-phantom, and that 'thing' is her other half!" Futo nodded.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just explain it like this from the start…?" Reimu asked dryly. She, Youmu and Futo were in the bedroom, about to turn in for the night. Since there were only two futons though, Futo was taking one while…

"T-This is getting rather realistic, isn't it…?" Youmu asked Reimu awkwardly, "Us sleeping together…"

"What are you getting all nervous for? W-We're not actually married or anything…" Reimu herself was still bothered by what she had witnessed in the bath though…

"Is that not worse?" pointed out Futo disapprovingly, "To share one's bed with another she is not wedded to… Or doth modern society think naught of premarital se-"

"Will you seriously stop conveniently misunderstanding every little thing?" interrupted Youmu and Reimu flatly.

"Still… It doth astound me… A half-phantom…" Futo remarked of the phantom floating sleepily behind Youmu, "By what name is it called?" she asked.

"Well… The phantom and I are one, so technically we're 'Youmu'," Youmu explained.

"Hmm… That is rather perplexing…" frowned Futo, "A proposition, if I may… Let us name it!"

"Ahaha… Please don't decide such things without me…" requested Youmu nervously.

"Ah well, since this is a sleepover, let's do it!" Reimu chuckled, "I vote we name it after what it looks like!" she raised a hand.

Youmu sensed trouble, "And… w-what does it look like, Reimu-san…?" she hardly dared ask.

"Heh…" Reimu smirked mischievously, "Well, it really looks like '_it'_… So let's call it 'Sper-'"

"AAHHH! ! Anything but that, Reimu-san!" Youmu hurriedly clung onto Reimu and shook the smug shrine maiden desperately, "Myon…!" Youmu made an oddly cute cry, "Really, for you to suggest something as vulgar as that!"

"Youmu-san/dono, what was that cute cry just now?" asked Reimu and Futo.

"What…?" Youmu glanced between them, confused.

"No, you went 'Myon' just now, it was actually kind of cute," Reimu chuckled amusedly.

"Yes, that's it! A cute name will be most excellent!" Futo declared, "Let us name it 'Myon'!"

"Kuh… Myon…!" moaned Youmu resignedly, while Reimu gave her a sympathetic chuckle.

"But I am glad."

They looked over to see Futo smiling warmly. "It hath been fun today," she said, "My leader, Taishi-sama was always urging me to adapt to the era… But soothly, I have been slow to change… I _am_ reluctant to change…" Futo frowned, "That's why… I am glad I was able to make acquaintances of thee…" she shyly scratched her cheek.

Reimu and Youmu exchanged glances before simultaneously giving Futo smiles.

"Futo-san," Reimu began in mock sternness, "'Acquaintance' is the wrong word…"

"It's called 'friends', Futo-san," Youmu corrected.

"'Friends'… Haah…! I understand!" Futo sniffled and rubbed her nose, grinning, "Then let us convert to Taoism together and achieve much as friends!" she urged emotionally.

"Futo-san…" Reimu shook her head and sighed, but decided to save it for later.

"Haha… Well, maybe next time…?" Youmu sweat-dropped, and she and Reimu slipped into their futon to turn in for the night.

"Wait! I-It is no good…?" Futo asked disappointedly.

"Futo-san?"

"Y-Yes, Youmu-dono…?"

"Goodnight, and sweet dreams," Youmu wished Futo warmly, and Futo somehow felt better.

"Yes, a goodnight and pleasant dreams to you too," Futo smiled and retreated into her own futon.

The newly named Myon then blew out the lights.

**Chapter End**

* * *

"Hey uh, girls? I'm seriously freezing out here, please let me back inside! I promise to be a good girl ze!" pleaded Marisa from outside the house, wrapped only in her bath towel.


	6. With Sakuya, Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**With Sakuya, Part 1: There's **_**always**_** a bigger devil…**

"Yesterday was actually kind of fun, wasn't it?" Konpaku Youmu cheerily asked her phantom companion, who will now be referred henceforth as Myon for the convenience of the story.

"P-Please… Don't- Haah… Never mind…" Youmu caved in to the will of the plot, as did Myon. "A-Anyways… Yesterday with Reimu-san wasn't too bad…" she smiled with fond memory of it. It was day two of Yuyuko-sama's little 'wife-game'. Youmu was being made to play wife to four prize winners. Today was Izayoi Sakuya-senpai's turn.

"Sakuya-senpai though… I'm somehow a little apprehensive about this…" Youmu worried. Sakuya was amiable enough during their limited interactions, but she always somehow gave Youmu the impression of being a little on the devilish side. "I honestly hope she'd treat me as nicely as Reimu-san… That'd be great…" Youmu said to herself. Suddenly though, Youmu sensed a sinister presence behind her...! She spun around with great alarm, and…!

... Nothing. The path was empty save for herself.

"… That's strange," Youmu muttered, "I was half-expecting a _certain witch_ to appear… Oh well," and she kept going.

Before long, Youmu emerged from the path to be confronted with a set of imposing iron gates, which were connected to tall walls of red brick encompassing a gigantic, rectangular estate. At the far end sat a large, aristocratic European mansion, its tiled roofs deep and slanted, and its tall clock tower tapering off to a vicious spike. Even under the bright morning, the wine-coloured building looked dark and unwelcoming.

Standing guard at the gates was a tall, red-haired woman, "Hello there," greeted the gatekeeper Hong Meiling, "You're Konpaku Youmu-san, aren't you?"

"Yes," answered Youmu, "I um…"

"It's alright," Meiling opened the gates for Youmu, "Sakuya-san said to let you in… You don't visit here often though, do you?" she asked.

"J-Just a few times before…" replied Youmu as she stepped past the gates into the grounds of the mansion.

"Huh… Well, good luck with whatever business you have here," Meiling began closing the gates on Youmu's freedom, "Sakuya-san sounded oddly excited to see you," and with that, the iron gates slammed shut with a foreboding toll.

Youmu gulped and walked up to the distant double doors of the mansion. After knocking upon it and hearing no reply, she pushed against it and found it unlocked.

"Um… P-Please excuse me…" Youmu nervously let herself in.

Inside, the mansion was even gloomier than it was on the outside. The main hall before her was massive and loud with hollow silence. The centre grand staircase reached up into the ominous darkness, and yawned even wider than it was tall. Upon the walls, antiquated Victorian gas lamps shone uselessly with small lights. The ceiling had a fiery fresco, and a red, uncomfortable glow pervaded everywhere.

"In here, Youmu-san…"

Youmu startled. The voice beckoned from down a dark, dark corridor. Youmu's feet however, were frozen.

"Don't be afraid, just follow the light…" at the very far end opened a door, and from it streamed forth a blessing: sunlight. Without further hesitation, Youmu rushed for it. Stepping into the warm light, she found herself in a much more comforting environment: a large, clean kitchen, its big windows opened to fresh air and the sun.

"I knew you'd prefer this place," said the voice cheerily, "I spend most of my free time here too. Sorry about the rest of the mansion being so gloomy, my mistresses are vampires after all…"

"Well, I do prefer it here," Youmu took in a deep breath of the fresh air, "Thank you for your kind consideration, Sakuya-senpai," she turned to thank the voice's owner-

Kirisame Marisa.

"M-Marisa-san!?" Youmu started. But wait…! Hang on… Youmu gazed up and down the witch. This time, it seems, it was Marisa who was in a bind… literally. The girl was tied from toe to torso with rope, her mouth gagged with cloth. Her clothes were ruffled, and…!? M-Most of her vest was unbuttoned…? Her expression was of deep embarrassment, like a self-proclaimed professional who had been humiliated in their field of expertise.

"Marisa-san… W-What happened…?" Youmu's fears began to grow. W-Were those hickeys on her neck…!?

"Good day, Youmu-san," from behind the tied-up rat calmly walked out the cat that had snagged it: Izayoi Sakuya, owner of the voice from before and chief maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

"S-Sakuya-senpai!" Youmu startled. She wasn't there before…! "Haah! You surprised me! Um… D-Did you do this?" she asked about Marisa anxiously.

"Of course~!" smiled Sakuya as she stroked a hand around Marisa's crimson face, "Like my handiwork?" her fingers came to rest under Marisa's chin, making her jerk reflexively, "It's my _favourite method_ for handling _naughty little girls_~" Sakuya slithered her hand down Marisa's neck and across her collar bone.

Youmu gulped. I-Is this a warning to me…? "T-That's great, Sakuya-senpai!" she shakily praised, "This way, Marisa-san can't cause trouble to anyone! Aha… Ahahaha…!"

"Fufu… _I knew you'd like it_~" Walking behind Marisa, Sakuya crossed her arms over Marisa's front from behind and slid her chin down onto her shoulder, Marisa shivering. Then suddenly, with a flourish, Sakuya wiped her arms apart and the magician disappeared.

'Time stopping'… observed Youmu tensely. Sakuya-senpai can manipulate time and make both herself and other things seemingly appear or disappear.

"Fufu … So, shall we start our day, _Dear_~?" Sakuya straightened up and smiled for Youmu too perfect a smile.

" O-Of course!" Youmu answered obediently, "By the way, w-where did you send Marisa-san…?" she asked, n-not at all concerned…

"Oh? Marisa-kun?" Sakuya turned her back to Youmu, "Usually I just let that rat run round the mansion, as long as she doesn't cause too much trouble… Remilia-ojou-sama doesn't seem to mind…" from a large table behind her, she picked up something, "However, knowing her deep interest in you at the raffle, I decided to lock her up this time round, so that she won't interfere with _our special time together_~" Sakuya turned around, a French maid outfit just like hers in her hands, complete with white apron and black pantyhose.

"Um…! A-Am I going to be wearing that?" asked Youmu apprehensively.

"Yes~!" answered Sakuya, "Oh… And it's not a request, _Dear_~ It is instruction~!" Sakuya reminded Youmu of her current circumstances.

Youmu yelped inwardly. I always dreaded that Sakuya-senpai would be this kind of person…! "T-Then if you'll excuse me…" Youmu took the clothing from Sakuya, but as she turned to find a room to change in, she was stopped by a caress to the shoulder.

"What's there to be so embarrassed about, _Dear_~? You can just change right here~!" her carved smile was inch-perfect, "_I'll be the only one watching, after all_~"

Gah…! This person is almost as bad as Yuyuko-sama…! Youmu cried out mentally. "But Sakuya-senpai…!" Youmu began protesting. No…! I-I can't do it! I can't strip before her…!

"_And that's not all_~!" Sakuya held up some lacy panties for Youmu-

"NO!" shouted Youmu, "_T-T-That too_!?"

"Don't worry, your clothes will be cleaned and ironed by tomorrow," reassured Sakuya serenely.

"T-THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM! ! P-Please, Sakuya-senpai…!" Youmu pleaded tearfully, but suddenly Sakuya giggled, and not in a wicked manner either.

"Ahaha…! Sorry, sorry…!" Sakuya covered up her laughter with one hand, "I just thought you'd be nice to tease, and you didn't disappoint~! I got carried away, Youmu-san," Sakuya bowed apologetically, "However, I do indeed request you to change into these," she handed Youmu the panties, "But it is for practical reasons, you'll see," she wagged a finger, "I'll just wait outside while you change in here, alright?" and with a friendly smile for a change, Sakuya stepped out of the kitchen.

Youmu heaved a huge sigh of relief, "Sakuya-senpai really got me there…" she said to Myon, "Well… I suppose there's nothing for it…" and she quickly changed into the maid uniform she was given. Just as she finished sorting out the apron's ribbon however, she noticed that there was some sort of writing in marker on her arm.

_Sorry. I peeped. _

"HYAAAH!? S-SAKUYA-SENPAI!?" Youmu jumped and hugged her vulnerable body while Myon darted for cover within a food cabinet.

Of course… Sakuya can stop time, after all…

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion…

"Mmm, mmm, mmmh!" a gagged Marisa struggled against the ropes that restrained her. She was stashed in what looked like a large closet cramped with brooms, mops, pails, old picture frames, dust, dust, dust, spider webs, dust and a small but chesty girl similarly bound and gagged next to her-

"…~" Marisa looked down in pleasant surprise. The girl had short turquoise hair and a similarly coloured vest over her white blouse. Her skirt was of a lighter shade. Under the dim light, her right eye shone a brilliant red, while her left glowed blue. Behind her lay chained a hideous umbrella with one large, comical eye and a huge tongue lolling from its zigzag mouth.

And then of course was her surprisingly sizable bust, which Marisa recognised as belonging to Tatara Kogasa the karakasa obake. Like _Youmu-chan_~, _Kogasa-chan_~ was comprised of two distinct halves: the cute half, which is the girl, and the ugly half, which is the umbrella. But… What's she doing here? Wondered Marisa. The last time she had seen Kogasa was at the raffle the day before. Other than that, the umbrella youkai usually haunted graveyards to no one's terror, most recently Myouren Temple's graveyard…

… But now was not the time for backstories ze! This lovely, heterochromatic-eyed girl was staring up at Marisa with what could only be interpreted by Marisa as inviting eyes, just pleading Marisa to rescue her from this closet and the terror of a lonely night… Coolly, Marisa nodded her agreement to a tryst, and Kogasa's face lit up with misunderstood hope. She quickly turned around to show Marisa that her fingers were still free, and that maybe they could help untie each other somehow…!

… But all Marisa saw was a cutie presenting her butt. Swiftly, she planted her gagged mouth onto the girl's fingers… and her nose down her rear. The girl startled and looked over her shoulder with a furious blush, but managed to remove Marisa's gag in this manner.

"Fwuah! Thanks ze!" Marisa sat up and breathed a little more easily, "Hey… You _smell nice_ by the way…" she smirked at Kogasa's cringing, "Just joking ze!" laughed Marisa, "It couldn't be helped, given that your hands were tied behind your back… Here, I'll help you remove yours!" and with that, Marisa inched closer to her with a mischievous grin. Kogasa, confused at first, started panicking when Marisa's face came within centimetres of hers and did not stop.

"Ufufu… Be still now, or _accidents_ may happen da ze…" And soon, all that terrified Kogasa could see was Marisa's lips closing in on her own. Delicately, Marisa bit onto Kogasa's gag with her teeth and pulled it out.

"Haah… Haah...! Y-Y-You almost kissed me!" exclaimed the now gag-less youkai.

"Hahaha! Relax, will you?" Marisa sniggered, "It's not like I could actually kiss you with the gag in the way, so you've still got that 'first kiss' of yours…" she winked. Kogasa shivered.

"Hii…! K-Kirisame Marisa-san! You're as bad as ever!" she exclaimed.

"Sorry, sorry…!" Marisa grinned apologetically, "Alright… Time to figure a way out of here! I've _got_ to pay back Sakuya double the humiliation ze…!" she swore to herself. Those techniques… Damn, that Sakuya showed me…! "Oh, by the way…" she asked Kogasa, "What _are_ you doing here?"

But before Kogasa could answer…

"_Kogasa-chan_~! Are you in there~?"

… The answer presented itself in the form of a sickly sweet, 'younger-sister' voice calling out from beyond the closet doors. Kogasa froze like a cornered rat, and Marisa too trembled as she recognised the voice.

"Hmph! Where did that stupid Sakuya hide you!? I don't get it! What's wrong with having an ugly parasol!? It's a funny novelty! Why do I always have to be 'lady-like' this and 'lady-like' that…?" grumbled the voice as it drew closer to the closet. The sounds of several other doors being brutally ripped from their hinges could be heard. W-Whoever it was wanted to find Kogasa badly…

"T-There's no time!" Kogasa uttered in sheer terror, "She'll find me!"

"Y-Yeah… And now that _I'm_ here, it'll -gulp- only get worse ze…" dreaded Marisa. The voice may be calling for 'Kogasa-chan', but will soon shriek for 'Marisa-onee-chan' too if she did not make her escape quick…!

Too late though! Our prey could only sit and watch, bound by rope and despair, as at long last the door to their closet, their safe haven was mercilessly torn apart. What emerged from the destruction was a doll-like, blonde-haired girl with gleaming, blood-coloured eyes.

"… Haah~! _FOUND YOU_~!" a wide grinned formed upon Flandre Scarlet's delighted face.

* * *

"Haah… In the end, Sakuya-senpai asked something reasonable of me huh…? That's good…" Youmu wiped the sweat from her brow and gazed about the room she had just tidied.

"_We'll be tackling some of the cleaning today," Sakuya had said, "The fairy maids here are generally useless, so you have no idea how invaluable your help will be, Youmu-san," Sakuya had expressed her sincere gratitude, "There are fifty rooms in this wing… You and I will take half each. Think you can handle it?" she then good-naturedly taunted._

"_Hmph! That's too small a number, Sakuya-senpai!" had been Youmu's self-assured reply._

"_Alright then!" smiled Sakuya cheerily, "I'll take this mop here, and you… can have this napkin…" the smile gave way to a smirk._

"_H-Hey!"_

"_Hahaha…! Sorry, sorry! You're so cute when you're confident! Here's your mop and pail. Fufu… you can keep that __napkin…"_

"_S-Sakuya-senpai…! Really…!"_

"Still…" Youmu sighed as she recalled their conversation, "Sakuya-senpai really loves to tease people… I guess it should come as no surprise, considering she's a maid in a 'devil's mansion'…"

Having finished with her chores, Youmu went to look for Sakuya. Eventually she came across an ajar door to one of the rooms Sakuya was cleaning. Peeking inside, Youmu got a rude shock. Sakuya-senpai was- H-How disgraceful…! Inside, Sakuya was lying on the bed, her back turned to Youmu, fully clothed without even bothering to remove her shoes, sleeping away as if she owned the place…! To Youmu, a strict servant, this sort of conduct of a maid was unacceptable!

Youmu immediately began to make her way in to scold the slacking maid, but then hesitated. "Wait a minute… What if they have different house rules…?" she wondered, "What if this is usual for maids here?" Youmu thought with a little envy, "It would be rude of me to scold Sakuya-senpai then, I guess…?" She decided to leave Sakuya alone. However…

"Ahhn~ Youmu-chan, not there~!" Sakuya began fondling herself in her sleep whilst tenderly calling Youmu's name.

"_S-SAKUYA-SENPAI_!?" reflexively, Youmu dashed back in to urgently rouse the maid from her _completely unacceptable dream_! "_S-S-Sakuya-senpai! W-W-What do you think you're_- Hyah!?"

Deftly, Sakuya turned onto her back and caught Youmu by the wrists, reeling her in so that now Youmu was on her hands and knees overlooking a vulnerable Sakuya. Sakuya's short, silver hair fell carelessly upon the pillow. Her lips were slightly pursed, her watery-grey eyes wide with nervous anticipation. Her body snaked beneath Youmu's, her legs emerging from between hers.

"Youmu-chan…" trembled Sakuya submissively, "Have I been a naughty maid…?" her hands clasped tighter about Youmu's wrists.

"Huh…!?" Youmu's heart rate was rising fast. W-What's with this sudden behaviour from S-Sakuya-senpai…!? "W-Well… N-N-Not really-"

"Don't lie, Youmu-_sama_~" Sakuya kicked it up a notch, as did Youmu's pulse, "You sounded angry with Sakuya-chan…" Sakuya averted eyes with teary guilt.

"A-Ahh…! Well… Y-You were saying some r-rather bad things in your sleep…" Youmu's fast blanking mind fell back on the truth, "A-And you were sleeping on the job… I-I find that rather unprofessional…" Youmu muttered.

Sakuya turned back to Youmu with gratitude of the obsessive kind, "I knew I was right…!" she smiled in dearest apology, "Youmu-sama~ There's nothing that can excuse this terrible behaviour of mine…" she slowly sat up, still holding on to Youmu's wrists as Youmu fearfully kept her distance.

"Youmu-sama~" Sakuya placed both of Youmu's hands onto her bosom, "_Please punish me~_"

…

… _Soft_-

"_GYAAAAAAHHHH_! !" On that day, physics as we know it was obliterated as Youmu violated all laws to run out of the room at speeds impossible to begin to comprehend. Running, just running, shrieking her head off like it was the end of the world, her screams echoing all throughout the mansion…

"… D-Did I go too far, I wonder…?" Sakuya, who was expecting a good laugh, got stuck instead with an awkward, empty victory.

Yes. Yes you did.

"…! S-Shut up! It was a miscalculation!" Sakuya pleaded to the screen for leniency. Guiltily, she went after Youmu to sort things out.

**Chapter End**

* * *

**Omake**

"Ran! _Ran_! Oh my gosh! What do I do!?" Yukari ran out of her room desperately crying for her fox shikigami's help. Behind her, a thick pool of nasal blood was oozing out of the doorway. If you looked closely enough, you could see Yuyuko's spirit smiling peacefully from within…


	7. With Sakuya, Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

"Yuyuko-chan…! Yuyuko…! Please open your eyes…!"

Yuyuko struggled against her heavy eyelids as she lay upon a futon, and slowly the image of a crying Yukari's face came into focus before her, her tears splashing down upon Yuyuko's cheeks.

"… Yukari…?" Yuyuko uttered weakly. Next to her, Yuyuko blurrily recognised Yukari's fox-eared servant, Yakumo Ran tending to her.

"Haah…! Thank goodness it worked…!" Yukari wiped her tears away, "I-I was at a loss on what to do! Thankfully, Ran suggested manipulating the boundaries so that your blood would be inside your body rather than out of it…" she explained.

"… I see… I was this close to leaving this world again…" Yuyuko gave a small ironic smile, "Yukari-chan…?" she asked, "Can I tell you… something now…? Before I truly go one day…?"

"No, Yuyuko! Don't speak like that! I-" but Yukari forcefully reigned in her emotions for Yuyuko's sake, "Haah… O-Of course you can tell me Yuyuko-chan… You must tell me!" demanded the tearful Yukari.

"Fufu… Thank you… Yukari-chan…" Yuyuko took in a deep breath.

"Yukari, I've always hated how Touhou Fans group me with you as one of the 'Old Hags', despite me being significantly younger than you."

…

"Are you ditching me, you stupid brat!?" Yukari gave the idiot ghost before her a hard punch, and blood with '0% regret' spewed forth from a smug Yuyuko's mouth.

"Please don't kill the person you're trying to save, Yukari-sama…" Ran commented dryly.

* * *

**With Sakuya, Part 2: Love is like chocolate – A little bitter, plenty sweet, and **_**vaporises when you CRANBERRY TRAP~**_**!**

"Youmu-san? Are you in there…?" It did not take long before Sakuya found the room Youmu had hidden in – her whimpers could be heard from within. "Youmu-san…?" she knocked upon the door, and immediately the whimpers were silenced with a small yelp.

"Um… I'm sorry for what happened back there," Sakuya apologised clearly, "I really went too far this time…" she took a respectful step back from the door.

A moment of quiet followed, before Youmu's muffled voice uncertainly asked, "R-Really…?"

"Yes," replied Sakuya, "I sincerely wish to make it up to you…" she said, "Will you let me? I-I promise I won't do anything bad! Honest!"

Reluctantly, the door opened, and from behind it gingerly emerged Youmu. "A-Alright…" muttered Youmu, "I'll follow whatever you say, since I'm Sakuya-senpai's wife today anyway…"

Sakuya gave a guiltily start, "Youmu-san…!" she hurriedly clasped Youmu's hands, "I'm not asking you to let me because you're supposed to be my wife or anything! I... I'm just asking for a chance to make amends, pretty please?" she squeezed Youmu's hands, her eyes attempting to make contact with Youmu's, "I-If you don't like it, you can just leave," she promised.

"Sakuya-senpai…" Youmu finally met Sakuya's gaze to the maid's relief, "That's… very nice of you, but even then, I can't leave Sakuya-senpai," she stated.

"Huh? Why is that, Youmu-san?" asked Sakuya, puzzled.

"Well… It's because this 'wife game' is Yuyuko-sama's orders…" as Youmu gave her reason, irritation pricked at Sakuya.

"What…?" Sakuya frowned, "Youmu-san, you don't have to-"

"I-It's not what you think!" Youmu said, "I'm not blindly following her instructions! It's just that…" Youmu glanced away to gather her thoughts, "Yuyuko-sama… She promised you, and Reimu-san and everyone else fantastic prizes for the raffle, but she was u-useless with them…" Youmu admitted sheepishly, "As the guardian of Hakugyokurou… As Yuyuko-sama's servant…! I must make it up to all of you! Sakuya-senpai…" Youmu stepped away as Sakuya watched poignantly, "It is my duty to serve you as wife as compensation for my master's incompetence," she bowed.

"Youmu-san…" This girl was forcing herself to do this for such reasons, and still I teased her badly…!?

"So don't worry, Sakuya-senpai," Youmu continued, "I- Hyah!?" Blood rushed to her cheeks as Sakuya threw herself around Youmu in a tight hug. "S-Sakuya-senpai!?" she stuttered.

"Haha… I'm very sorry, Youmu-san…" Sakuya pulled back from her embrace with a bittersweet smile, "In that case, I'll make it _my duty_ to take care of care of this wonderful wife… Is that alright with you?" she asked of Youmu gently.

"A-Ah…! Well, i-it'll definitely be better than teasing me all the time…" replied Youmu embarrassedly.

"Then it's settled then!" Sakuya grasped Youmu's hands again, "Why don't I treat you to some dessert?" she suggested, "I'm pretty proud of those I make! You'll love them, I guarantee it! I can even teach you how to make them! Youmu-san's not really familiar with western pastries, right?" she grinned.

"Hey!" Youmu's pride was a little offended, "If I had the recipes, I could easily make western desserts just as good as yours!"

"Haha… It's a contest then?" Sakuya led Youmu by the hand as the two walked side by side to the kitchen.

Youmu flashed a grin, "I'll school you yet, Sakuya-senpai!"

* * *

"There you are~!" grinned Flandre Scarlet as she laid gleaming red eyes upon her displaced parasol. The closet doors that had so ineffectively protected Kogasa now lay in microns, the splinters of the ashes of the splinters splintered. "Oh…! Why did that stupid Sakuya tie you up like that?" pouted Flandre as she glanced over Kogasa's rope bindings, "Did she really hate you that much- Oh…" her eyes trailed over to the other girl tied up next to Kogasa. D-Dare she believe her eyes…?

"Marisa… onee-chan…" a brief puzzlement was crushed with wonder, which was devoured by glee. "Ma- Haah~!" Flandre tackled the fearful Marisa to the ground, "_Marisa-onee-chan~_! What are you doing here!?" the little vampire straddled across the helpless Marisa.

"H-Hi there ze!" Marisa smiled like her life depended on it. The girl atop her appeared in every way sweet and innocent – She wore a frilly white blouse and red skirt with a red child's vest and a white mob cap. Her long blonde hair was tied in a side-ponytail. However, her wings were much more sinister. They were pitch black, skeletal branches with vertebrae-shaped crystals featuring the colours of the rainbow dangling from them. These now glowed brightly, signifying Flandre's _uncontainable excitement_~!

"Why are you tied up like that!?" asked Flandre eagerly, "Could it be…? Is Marisa-onee-chan a- _Kyu_~! _A-A present for me_~!?" Her fingers clawed at Marisa's ropes, ready to 'open up' her _most wonderful__ present_~!

"No! W-Wait a minute, Flandre-chan!" Marisa desperately cut in, "Sakuya dumped me here!"

"Huh…?" at the mention of Sakuya, Flandre's joy dampened, "Mmmh! That Sakuya!" she took her hands off Marisa and looked away irately, "Why is she always touching my stuff!?" Flandre turned back to Marisa, but this time with an exquisitely gentle expression... which only worried Marisa more. She sadly caressed Marisa like a fond pet rabbit which had just died, "Oh~ _Poor, poor Marisa-onee-chan_~ How cruel of Sakuya to tie you up like this…!" and with a blink of her eye, the ropes around Marisa were atomized to quarks. A similar glance upon Kogasa too freed the karakasa-obake.

"Here! You're free now!" Flandre hopped off Marisa, snatched Kogasa to her side and, embracing her new parasol, looked at Marisa with anticipation.

Marisa wisely rewarded it. "T-Thank you, Flandre-chan! You really saved me ze!" she said with practiced gratitude.

"Haah~! I-I-It's nothing, Marisa-onee-chan…" Flandre flushed scarlet, "Come on! We can't stay here! Let's go find ourselves a room and have some tea!" she suggested spritely, "I-I haven't chatted with Marisa-onee-chan for a long while…" she demurely muttered.

"Ahaha…! S-Sounds good to me ze…!" Marisa, without options, followed her and Kogasa out of the closet. Flandre had her arm round Kogasa's while Kogasa was being made to hold her umbrella half above them both. So this is Kogasa's new use huh…? Thought Marisa nervously. That poor girl…

"So uh…" Marisa tried calming her nerves with talk, "What's with the girl-"

"_Marisa-onee-chan_~ It's a 'parasol', not a 'girl'~!" Flandre had no intention of letting her Marisa-onee-chan talk about _some other 'girl'…_

"Ah! O-Of course, how silly of me ze…!"Marisa stood corrected, "So um… what's with the new… 'parasol'?" she asked Flandre about Kogasa.

"H-Help me…" uttered Kogasa in a very small voice.

"Oh? Do you like it?" Flandre drew Kogasa to her side even tighter as she looked back at Marisa, "I found it yesterday together with some trashy rice cooker… It's rather unique, isn't it?" she asked brightly, "Although Sakuya disapproves… Hmph! What does Sakuya know?" she huffed. "Um… What does Marisa-onee-chan think?" Flandre suddenly turned around, "Does Marisa-onee-chan… want to try out this parasol with me?" she asked shyly.

Alarms went off in Marisa's head. Flandre's closing in…!

"I-I'm not saying we should walk underneath it together!" Flandre was coyly denying, "I-I'm just saying that maybe… you know-"

"Ah! Toilet!" Marisa resorted to the most clichéd excuse ever, "I need to use the toilet really urgently!" she hopped about and pulled down on her skirt dramatically, "Sorry, Flandre-chan! I'll catch up with you later!" and down a corridor she vanished.

"Wait! Where are you going? The toilet's not that… way…" Dejected, Flandre's grip on Kogasa became an ice-cold shackle, and the karakasa whimpered. Because even Kogasa could tell Marisa was lying…

"Fufu… Fufufu… _I see_~!" Flandre, positive as ever, decided to take it as an _opportunity_~, "_Marisa-onee-chan is playing hard to get~!"_ Flandre turned cheerily to Kogasa, "_Hey~ What sort of reward will Marisa-onee-chan give me for chasing her, I wonder_~?"she asked.

Kogasa gulped, "I-I don't know…?" she croaked.

"_That's right~! We don't know~!" _gleefully exclaimed Flandre,_ "That's because it's Marisa-onee-chan's wonderful surprise~! Hahaha… Kyahahahaha…!"_ Flandre, giggling her mind off, began hunting for her 'present' with a terrified Kogasa in tow.

* * *

Marisa dashed through the corridors of Scarlet Devil Mansion, fear gripping her heart. Her mind was made a wretched blank by the ominous echoes of Flandre's laughter. Where to…? Where to…!? She frantically turned from corner to another, and eventually came to the main grand staircase. The front door was right there…!

But so was Flandre's laughter, and it sounded terrifyingly close! No…! If I ran straight out the front door, she'll easily catch me on the mansion grounds! Reasoned Marisa's panicked mind. I need another route, someplace she'll not think to check- …! I-I got it! Swiftly, Marisa bounded down the stairs and immediately made a u-turn deeper into the mansion. The kitchen had big open windows that she could easily jump out of, and it led to a side garden too! I can escape from there! Sprinting for freedom, Marisa burst through the kitchen's door and…

Pompf!

… And ran headlong into Izayoi Sakuya's bosom. Marisa took in a deep breath only to confirm her fears. Yep… Crap, this smell's definitely Sakuya's boobs ze…

"…!? M-Marisa-san!? How shameless of you!" came Youmu's muffled exclamation from beyond the marshmallow softness as she dropped the baking tray she was holding back onto the kitchen table.

Sakuya, however, took it in her stride, "Ara~ Back for more punishment, _Marisa-kun_~?" she embraced Marisa's cold-sweating head to her chest, a devilish smile emerging on her lips, "I had thought the results of our last skirmish… _conclusive_, Marisa-kun… How did you even escape-"

"_Now's not the time ze_!" Marisa interrupted as she attempted to pry herself from Sakuya's mounds, "Sakuya! I'll settle things with you another day, I swear! But right now I just want to leave this place!" she struggled to break free.

But Sakuya was sceptical of the witch's intentions, "Do you really think I'll buy that, Marisa-kun?" she smirked-

"No seriously! Let go of me!" Sakuya's smirk was cut off as Marisa yelled at her, "_You don't understand what's at stake here_!" she startled the maid.

"Ah… Hehh~? So Marisa-kun is in trouble huh~?" but the ever elegant Sakuya did not like having her composure thrown off one bit, "Too bad~!" she sneered as shoved Marisa's face deeper into her breasts, frustrating the witch further, "I won't let you-"

"_Sakuya_!?"

Sakuya jumped in shock while Marisa petrified. At the doorway stood an enraged Flandre, Kogasa half-dead in her arms. Reflexively, she pushed Marisa away like an incriminating affair.

"Sakuya…! So… that's how it is…!" Flandre marched in, Kogasa dragged along, murderous intent aching throughout her tiny little body.

"Flandre-ojou-sama!?" Sakuya assumed the tone of governess to try to regain her poise, "A-Ahem…! What are you doing here-"

"You take away my new parasol… and now you lay _your dirty hands on my Marisa-onee-chan…_!" Flandre stopped precisely within six inches of Sakuya's heart, "Haah… I-I'm so ashamed, Marisa-onee-chan~!" Flandre's voice suddenly changed for a sweetly worse as she apologised to Marisa, "I had thought you were running away from Flandre… But of course you wouldn't do such a mean thing, would you~?" her loving gaze to Marisa returned to Sakuya as a terrific glare, "No… Of course not…! _You were taken away from me by this filthy, filthy maid!_" she spat.

"…!? Flandre-ojou-sama!" Sakuya fought back indignantly, "I would never-"

"_Then what were you doing molesting Marisa-onee-chan like that!?"_ demanded Flandre, her irises reduced to glowing, scarlet slits. Sakuya, sensing Flandre's intense bloodlust, secretly reached for her knives as a tense standoff ensured. At this rate, I might have to stop time and lock Flandre-ojou-sama back in the basement… I'm sure Remilia-ojou-sama will understand…!

"A-Ahh! What are these~? They look really delicious ze~! Aha… ahaha…!"

Everyone looked over to see Marisa inspecting some unbaked tarts from the tray Youmu was handling with forced interest.

"Marisa-kun…?" What is she doing at a time like this…!? Wondered an incredulous Sakuya.

"Marisa-onee-chan…?" But whatever Marisa was planning was working, for she now had Flandre's undivided, if confused, attention.

Marisa bit into one of the tarts and beamed a sticky grin, "Mmm~! The -cough- suet dough is well made da ze~!" she proclaimed through a gummed up mouth, "This is going to be a great pastry, I can tell it~!"

"What…?" Youmu expression dried over, "Marisa-san… The tarts aren't even baked yet-"

"No, seriously Youmu-san, these are going to be great!" Marisa grabbed Youmu's hands as if they were diamonds, "Did you make them?" she rammed through the conversation.

"Uh, yeah… I did but…" What _is_ Marisa-san doing? Wondered Youmu flatly.

"Hmph… Do you really like that woman's baking that much, Marisa-onee-chan…?" behind Marisa, Flandre had wandered up to her side. She looked irritated, though now her jealousy was devoid of bloodthirstiness. Indeed, Flandre was looking a little insecure…

"Ahaha~! Sorry, sorry~!" Marisa turned to her and apologised profusely, "Actually Flandre-chan, Marisa-onee-chan was on her way to the toilet when she got distracted by the delicious smells from here~! I-I'm such a glutton, aren't I~?" Marisa gave a hearty dose of self-deprecating laughter, "S-Sweets just make me so happy da ze! Aha… Ahahaha…!"

"Ah… I-Is that so…?" Flandre glanced between Youmu and Sakuya sadly, "I see… That's why Marisa-onee-chan was hugging Sakuya like that... Hey, Kogasa-chan," she turned to her near lifeless Kogasa like an upset girl to a worn teddy bear, "Sakuya's dessert must have been so delicious, Marisa-onee-chan could not contain her emotions…" she shed a disheartened tear, "Marisa-onee-chan -hic- just loves women that can cook, doesn't she? And Flandre… sob… Flandre can't please her…!" she began weeping in earnest.

How do you make such a connection!? Mentally gagged Sakuya and Youmu.

When am I going to be let free…? Kogasa cried on the inside.

Marisa, seeing Flandre cry, could not help but feel sorry for the little vampire. This might be going against my better instinct, but… "Hey um… Flandre-chan?" Marisa laid a concerned hand upon Flandre's shoulder, startling her, "I uh… I'm no good at making sweets either so… I-If you want, why don't we learn how to do them together ze?" she suggested kindly.

Everyone else's jaws dropped. Just who does Marisa think she's courting!?

"Huh…? _**To… ge… ther~?**_" Flandre looked up voraciously.

Regret was hitting Marisa so hard right now. "Ah…! O-On second thought, why don't we just-" But there would be no recourse for Marisa… Her actions must be met with consequence!

"Haah…! Yes, Marisa-onee-chan!" Flandre flung herself around Marisa with all the love in the world, "F-F-Flandre's not really good at this kind of thing, b-but Flandre will try her best for you!" she cried out as she and Marisa twirled about the spot, Kogasa orbiting around them by the arm.

"T-That's great, Flandre-chan…!" Marisa felt sick.

"Save me…" Kogasa was going _to_ sick.

Flandre spun herself into Marisa's arms as she embraced the witch's side affectionately, "Sakuya!" she stared down her maid with determined eyes, "I don't know how good a dessert you made that made Marisa-onee-chan so happy she'd want to plant her head between your breasts, but I'm going to beat that!" she declared, "And then Marisa-onee-chan will want to plant her head between _my_ breasts!" fantasised the little vampire.

Yours are too small for that… noted Marisa uneasily. But obviously she could not say it out loud…

"… Hmph…! Challenge accepted, Flandre-ojou-sama…" Sakuya responded, honestly happy about it. This is a much better resolution than having to fight Flandre-ojou-sama, and she'll get to learn new things at the same time too… "Youmu-san? Would you mind announcing the start of our baking challenge then?" she asked Youmu.

… How did it come to this…? Deadpanned Youmu, but she did as asked anyway.

"Um… then… L-Let the 'Scarlet Devil Mansion Bake-Off' begin!" she awkwardly declared.

**Chapter End**

* * *

Youmu: And hang on a minute! This chapter wasn't about me at all!


	8. With Sakuya, Part 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**With Sakuya, Part 3: BAD END?**

What's with that ominous title!? Thought a cold-sweating Marisa. Alas, the title aptly described her situation as she found herself once again bound by rope and despair, forced to make the most dangerous decision ever.

_The lemon tart, the peach and cream mousse, or the caramel custard?_

"Erm… D-Do I really have to pick one ze?" she asked of the three expectant girls before her.

_Youmu's tart, Sakuya's mousse, or Flandre's custard?_

"Of course, Marisa-san!" "Of course, Marisa-kun~" "Marisa-onee-chan, please pick mine!"

_Youmu, Sakuya, or Flandre?_

"Um… T-This wasn't supposed to be a competition anyways, so why do we have to-"

"Are you cowering out of this, Marisa-san?" "Marisa-kun~ Just pick one already~" "Marisa-onee-chan, you'll definitely pick mine, right!?"

_The sword, the knife, or simple death?_

Marisa gulped. "I-If I pick one of you as the winner… promise me that the rest of you won't get mad at me ze…" she pleaded of the three girls.

"Of course not, Marisa-san," replied the steely green-eyed Youmu, who will settle for nothing less than victory in this duel.

"Of course not, Marisa-kun~" smirked the devilish maid Sakuya, who very much relished Marisa's predicament.

"Huh? But Marisa-onee-chan will definitely pick mine, right~?" Flandre giggled, and the last of Marisa's hopes fluttered away with her breath.

"Kuh… _What's with this impossible scenario_!?" shouted Marisa to the heavens.

* * *

Two hours ago…

"Alright, does everyone agree with the established rules of our bake-off?" asked Sakuya around the large kitchen table. At each side stood herself, Youmu, Flandre and Kogasa, each equipped with an apron. "You are all free to use whatever ingredients there are in this kitchen," continued Sakuya, "You are to make precisely one type of dessert or pastry. You can make multiple servings, but they must all be identical. Any questions?" she asked.

"Yeah! Just one ze!"

All heads turned towards a rather distressed looking Marisa tied up to a chair in the back of the kitchen.

"Why am I tied up like this!?" she struggled hard against her ropes.

"That's because you'll try to run if you aren't," replied Youmu, Sakuya and Flandre, "And we need you to judge this contest."

"Is that supposed to be an acceptable reason!?" protested Marisa.

"Marisa-san!" Youmu scolded, "You've been nothing but a bother for the past few days, so the least you could do is make yourself useful today! My pride as a cook is on the line here!" fired up the swordsman.

"Marisa-kun~ I don't see what there is to complain about~ You are eating our desserts, after all..." Sakuya airily reminded, "Indeed, you should be grateful~! Now just sit and wait warmly while we prepare…"

"Marisa-onee-chan, don't worry!" Flandre said brightly, "Flandre will definitely, definitely win this one for you!" she clenched a fist, "A-And then… if Marisa-onee-chan likes Flandre's dessert… P-Please smother your face in my ches-"

"There is no getting away, is there…?" Kogasa resigned herself to fate.

Marisa, like Kogasa, sensed that there was no way out of this and resentfully but silently gave in.

"Well then… Begin now!"signaled Sakuya, and everyone got to work. Surprisingly, everyone was taking it seriously. Perhaps it was the competitive atmosphere… Fifteen minutes soon passed.

This is bad… Youmu thought as she prepared the crust for her tarts. I have no idea what Marisa likes, and Sakuya-senpai looks to be putting together something good… She stole a glance at Sakuya next to her, and indeed Sakuya was preparing some sort of elaborate cream mixture. Youmu sighed. As expected… Western cuisine really isn't my strong point after all…

"Youmu-san?" came Sakuya's voice.

"Huh…?" Youmu startled a little. Her 'stolen glance' had turned into a full-on stare on Sakuya without her realisation, and she quickly turned back to her work embarrassedly.

"… A tart's a good idea, Youmu-san," Sakuya leaned over and commented kindly, "Different tarts may have different fillings, but the bases are all largely the same concept. All you need is a good filling and I'm pretty sure you can compete _somewhat_ with what I'm making here," she half-teased.

"Sakuya-senpai…!" Youmu turned away with a pout, "That's not encouragement at all!"

"Haha… Shall I help you out?" suggested Sakuya, "We don't have to take this competition seriously after all."

"Mmm… No thank you, Sakuya-senpai," Youmu gave Sakuya an appreciative smile, "I'm quite determined to do this myself," she thumped her chest, "Besides… What makes you think _you'll_ win anyway?" she teased back as she crossed her arms.

"Oh…? But I _know_ that Marisa-kun will _definitely love _mine~" Sakuya turned back to her dessert-in-work enigmatically.

Youmu deadpanned. She was familiar with that tone by now… "Um… Sakuya-senpai… You aren't planning anything devious, are you?" Youmu cautiously asked.

"It's exactly what you think, Youmu-san…" Sakuya held out a small canister with a naughty smile. On it was a label reading 'Strong Aphrodisiac'-

"S-_Sakuya-senpai! !"_ Youmu strongly objected to Sakuya's tactics.

"Hahaha… I'm just joking, Youmu-san," Sakuya turned the canister around, and on the other side read its real label 'Powdered Sugar'.

"Gah…! You really need to keep that mischievousness of yours in check, Sakuya-senpai…!" Youmu sighed and shook her head as she left the table to go ask Marisa for her preferences.

"... Youmu-chan?" The bound Marisa looked up as Youmu approached her, "Ahh… Decided to visit me out of pity ze?" she joked.

"Yeah, I was just wondering how my future 'husband' was doing…" Youmu grabbed a chair and sat down next to her, "I'm stumped. What sort of dessert does Marisa-san like to eat?" she went straight to the point.

"…? Heehee…! Somehow it's quite heartening to see you serious like this ze!" From out of nowhere, Marisa gave an unexpected compliment.

"Huh…!? W-What's with this sort of talk all of a sudden?" Youmu averted eyes with a blush.

"To see someone doing their best for you… it's quite a nice feeling," elaborated Marisa with a smile.

"I-I get what you're saying…" Youmu glanced back a little shyly, "But… Hey! If you're trying to hit on me, let me warn you to keep your hands to yourself!" she playfully scolded.

"… I am keeping my hands to myself ze, whether I want to or not…" Marisa wiggled her tied up hands in demonstration, and Youmu gave an awkward start. "Ahaha…! That was a great joke, even if unintended…" she grinned.

"What are you talking about? That was so corny of me…" groaned Youmu.

"Ouch!"

Marisa and Youmu hurriedly glanced to the kitchen table, where Flandre stood nursing a cut finger from an accident with the mixing machine.

"Ah! Flandre-ojou-sama!" Sakuya immediately dropped everything, disappeared the next instant and reappeared by Flandre's side with medication and bandages on hand, "Flandre-ojou-sama! That's a rather deep cut!" she fretted over her mistress.

"I-It's okay, Sakuya! I heal quickly!" insisted Flandre, even as Sakuya urgently but precisely treated and dressed her finger.

"Flandre-ojou-sama…" began Sakuya hesitantly, "I-It may be difficult for you to hear me say this… but maybe you should stop-"

"Don't even think of suggesting that, Sakuya!" Flandre snapped at Sakuya, before guiltily apologising to her, "Sorry, Sakuya… I know you're only concerned about me, but I want to keep going!" she determinedly set upon her task again, "Flandre… Flandre wants to be able to make something Marisa-onee-chan will like to eat!" she said.

"Flandre-chan…" watched a touched Marisa.

"Flandre-ojou-sama…" Sakuya shook her head and gently pulled back on Flandre by the shoulder.

"Sakuya!" Flandre looked up crossed, "I already said-"

"I wasn't going to stop you, Flandre-ojou-sama…" smiled Sakuya, "I just wanted to tell you that your mixture is a little off," she said, "You're trying to make your favourite crème caramel, right?" she stepped up to Flandre's side, "Allow me to at least teach you how to make one. Then you can try it yourself," she suggested.

"Sakuya…" a grin came to Flandre's face, "Thank you, Sakuya!"

"It is only my duty to do so, Flandre-ojou-sama…" Sakuya returned with a humble bow.

"… Hey Marisa-san," Youmu turned to Marisa, "You said it was heartening to see someone do their best for you, right?" she asked.

"Ahh… That's right…" Marisa smiled warmly, "Sometimes Flandre-chan really has the best intentions for me, doesn't she?" she said with an almost guilty tone.

"I can tell she likes you a lot," said Youmu, "So why doesn't Marisa-san reciprocate her feelings? I don't get it. Marisa-san is always, well, chasing skirts as far as _I know_…" she recounted with sour memory.

"Youmu-chan… Heh…There are a few reasons why I won't," Marisa gave a chuckle, "Firstly, her mind is that of an innocent child," she explained as she eyed Flandre fondly, "She is more like a little sister to me… If I asked her to enter a relationship with me, I know she'd agree in a heartbeat, but she won't fully understand, and that would be wrong of me… Wouldn't you agree?" she asked Youmu.

"Marisa-san…" Youmu gazed at Marisa with growing approval.

"Secondly…" Marisa took in a deep breath to brace herself for the truth.

"If I gave her my heart, she'll hug it till it popped ze… Literally."

Horror immediately struck Youmu.

"I-It'll be _that kind_ of a relationship?" she shakily asked. That infamous kind of 'dere'…? T-The one where the solution is _always_ murder…!?

"Yes… It'll be _that kind_ of a relationship…" Marisa darkly replied, "Being an 'Onee-chan' is about as close as I'm willing to get, ze…"

From a distance, Flandre beamed and waved her hand with the bandaged finger at Marisa, "Marisa-onee-chan~!" she called out cheerily, "Flandre's trying her best~!"

"A-Ah! Great job, Flandre-chan!" Marisa praised, and Flandre's face shone with glee as she turned back to work on her custard with _double the energy_~!

"What a pity…" commented Youmu uneasily, "Flandre-san really looks like a sweet girl right about now…"

* * *

"_Oh, and Youmu-san? I don't hate zesty things ze!"_

"'Zesty', huh…?" Youmu glanced down at her work with some dissatisfaction. She had produced two single-serving lemon tarts. Marisa-san said she liked zesty things… And this was the best I could come up with? Really creative, Youmu… she mentally berated herself. Next to her, Flandre's caramel custard was decent looking, but it was Sakuya's peach and cream mousse that looked terrifically impressive, with its beautifully generous proportions and subtle but sharp, tantalising smell. Youmu could see that Flandre too was eyeing Sakuya's work with considerable envy.

"If everyone is finished, then we will commence the judging," announced a rather smug looking Sakuya.

"Sakuya?" Flandre raised her hand.

"Yes, Flandre-ojou-sama?"

"Can I destroy your-"

"That would be cheating, Flandre-ojou-sama~" Sakuya reproved with a smile, and Flandre looked away sourly.

The three then presented Marisa with their desserts, and thus we return to the beginning of the chapter, where Marisa was faced with that all-important decision she had to make.

_What manner of death would she prefer?_

This isn't fair! Cried out Marisa in her head. None of these girls will accept defeat, so if I pick one, I will surely suffer the wrath of the other two…! "A-At least untie me so that I can taste them ze!" she demanded. Youmu, Sakuya and Flandre glanced at each other and agreed to grant Marisa that privilege.

"Right… Youmu-chan's first then…" Marisa tried Youmu's lemon tart, and immediately her fears were tingled away, "Mmm…! This is good ze!" she gave Youmu a wide grin.

"J-Just good?" Youmu looked away, red-faced from the compliment.

"Ahaha…! Sorry, Youmu-chan!" Marisa rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, "I'm not much of a connoisseur, so I don't really know how to describe how good this is… I know! I'll show you!" and she proceeded to gobble down the rest of the tart.

"Marisa-san! How will you know how good it is if you eat it that fast?" But Youmu was secretly happy.

"Hahaha…! Sorry, sorry!" Marisa shared a silly grin with Youmuuuuuu- Sakuya and Flandre are right behind me, aren't they?

"Ahem… Marisa-kun?"

Marisa rigidly turned around to see an unhappy Sakuya and Flandre.

"Marisa-kun… Will you not evaluate our desserts as well?" asked Sakuya, "Or will you spend all day flirting with Youmu-san here?"

"O-Of course! Right now ze!" Marisa hurriedly took a spoonful of Sakuya's mousse- _Oh my stars_! !

Enlightenment filled her mouth, wrapped her tongue, gently massaged her saliva glands and completely emptied her mind as Marisa dropped to her knees, the precious mousse cradled in her hands. She gazed up upon her newfound mistress Sakuya with awed eyes. Sakuya stood before her, feet apart and full of herself. Youmu and Flandre were not at all thrilled…

"So, Mairsa-kun… Do you understand now?" Sakuya asked triumphantly, "_True pleasure_…?"

"I-It was fabulous ze…" Marisa uttered mindlessly, "Can I… Can I lick your feet…?"

"_Snap out of it!_" Youmu applied precisely one sharp smack to Marisa's head.

"Ouch! Argh… Whew…! That was _quite_ the culinary experience ze…" Marisa finally pulled herself together and got up, "And that leaves- Flandre-chan…?" Flandre was already walking off with her caramel custard towards the bin-

"Flandre-chan!" Marisa sprinted forth and caught her by the arm, "What are you doing!?"

"Let go, Marisa-onee-chan!" Flandre sobbed, "Sakuya -sniffle- is clearly the winner, so why should you even bother tasting mine!? Flandre admits defeat, so...!"

Marisa frowned angrily. Flandre-chan… You put so much effort into it… even got hurt… And now you're going to throw it away…!? "Kuh…! Give me that!" she snatched away the pudding from Flandre.

"Hyah!? Marisa-onee-chan!?" Flandre watched in shock as Marisa wolfed down all of her pudding.

Marisa took a moment to let the taste settle, and was pleasantly surprised by it, "Flandre-chan… This is pretty good ze!" she smiled at Flandre.

"Ah… It's… good…?" Flandre's confidence started to return.

"Mmm!" Marisa nodded, "Aha… Well… I'll be honest, it definitely can't hold a candle to what Youmu and Sakuya made, but…" she gently took Flandre's bandaged hand and stared her straight in her ruby eyes, "You were about to throw all that hard work away ze, and that would have been a pity, because Marisa-onee-chan wouldn't have gotten to taste it, right?" Marisa squeezed Flandre's hand.

"Haah…! Marisa-onee-chan!" Flandre threw herself into a hug around Marisa, feeling very much the biggest winner at the moment, "I'm so sorry! I won't do anything so silly again!"

"Heehee…! Flandre-chan's a good girl!" Marisa petted Flandre on the head, and Flandre melted in her arms.

"Haah… It figures that Marisa-san is only good at saying stupid things like that…" Youmu put her hands on her hips while Sakuya watched serenely.

"Erm…"

Everyone turned to see who was interrupting the moment, and…

"Excuse me, but I'm done with my dessert as well…" Kogasa held out her apple cobbler. It was rather rough looking.

Everyone looked at each other guiltily. They had all, Flandre included, honestly forgotten she was there.

"Well…" Marisa shrugged at the others "Can't be better than Sakuya's dessert, right ze?" And she proceeded to take a bite out of the apple… cobbler…

Sniffle… Why…?

"Erm…" Youmu shared worried looks with Sakuya and Flandre. Marisa had gone gaga. "Hello?" she tentatively approached the frozen witch, "Marisa-san- Marisa-san!? W-What's wrong!?"

Tears were pouring from Marisa's eyes. Why have I never tasted such things until now…!?

"I understand now…" Marisa wiped away her tears, but the deluge would not stop…! "Kogasa-chan… I… What can I say!?" she deeply embraced Kogasa with all her heart.

"_Marisa-san/kun/onee-chan!?_" Youmu, Sakuya and Flandre jumped in shock. What's happened!?

"It's strange! I understand, but I don't know what to say! I…!" cried Marisa into Kogasa's shoulder, "What should I say to you!?" she begged the karakasa.

"Ah…! Y-You don't have to say anything, Marisa-san…" Kogasa accepted Marisa's embrace gratefully, "If anything, I'm sorry for making you cry… This cobbler is the only thing I know how to bake… It was the very first thing Kogasa tasted when she became a youkai," she explained, "A kindly old lady made this for me…" Kogasa too began to weep at the dear memory, "She -sob- she saved Kogasa's life with it!"

"Kogasa-chan…! Kogasa-chaaan!" Marisa wailed, then suddenly broke her embrace and grabbed both of Kogasa's hands in her own, never wanting to let go again! "As I thought…! I can't just leave you like this ze!" she declared, "Kogasa! I want to take care of you for the rest of my life!" she swore.

"Ahh… Marisa… san…?" A feeling blossomed within Kogasa. Is this… happiness…?

"Kogasa… Will you marry me?" seriously proposed Marisa.

"Ah…! Marisa-san…!" Kogasa wept joy, "Marisa-san, I- _HIIIIII_! !?" She suddenly tore away from Marisa and ran like her life depended on it.

"Kogasa…? Kogasa-chan, what's… wrong… Crap," Marisa froze. She could sense three immense murderous intents behind her.

"_Marisa-san… You're really shameless, aren't you?"_

"_Marisa-kun~ Was her cobbler really that good~?"_

"_Ahaha… **I see~!** Marisa-onee-chan wants to be with Kogasa-chan __**forever…**__"_

A terrified Marisa turned around to face the moment of truth.

_Youmu's sword, Sakuya's knife, or death by Flandre?_

"Erm… All three?" fearfully joked Marisa.

Then the swordsman, the maid and the vampire descended upon her.

* * *

"Ahh… Today was really tiring, wasn't it?" Youmu flung herself onto a large four-poster bed. She was now in Sakuya's bedroom, which she noted with envy to be rather spacious and posh. Moisture still lightly clung to her skin from the bath she just had, and she wore a breezy pair of cotton pyjamas Sakuya had loaned her.

"You've had it easy ze…" to Youmu's side, Marisa, wearing similar sleep wear, was leaning upon a velvet sofa. Flandre, fast asleep, was coiled up next to her with her head resting on Marisa's lap. Kogasa was sleeping upon a mattress pulled up next to the bed.

"Ahaha… Why don't you sleep on the mattress, Marisa-san?" suggested Youmu sheepishly, "You won't get any rest like that…"

"Can't," Marisa indicated Flandre, "It's alright though…" she stroked the little vampire's hair, and Flandre smiled in her sleep, "Look at her ze… She's all tuckered out…" Marisa chuckled.

"That's because Flandre-ojou-sama's been awake all day," the door opened, and in popped Sakuya. Sakuya, unlike everyone else, was still in her maid's uniform. "She's nocturnal, so it's taxing for her… You all comfortable?" she asked.

"Sakuya-senpai… You're going to work now?" Youmu sat up, asking concernedly. "You've been up all day too."

"It can't be helped," shrugged Sakuya, "Remilia-ojou-sama is up now, so I have got to attend to her."

"Sakuya-senpai… I'm sorry. You were busy because I was here today…" apologised Youmu guiltily.

"Don't be, Youmu-san. You had your circumstances," Sakuya said kindly, "Besides… I don't think I've had that much fun in awhile," she grinned.

"Sakuya-senpai…" Youmu smiled back.

"You see? Times are good when I'm here ze!" Marisa quipped.

"We weren't talking to you," Sakuya and Youmu dismissed jokingly.

"Even after I suffered so much…" Marisa feigned dejection.

"Don't worry, Remilia-ojou-sama knows I've been awake all day. I'll seek her permission to retire early tonight," Sakuya opened the door to step out, "I wish you all a good night," she said.

"See ya!" waved Marisa.

"Thank you for everything, Sakuya-senpai," bowed Youmu.

"No problem," smiled Sakuya, "I am the most elegant amongst us, after all…" she teased, and out the door she went as good girls turned in for the night.

**Chapter End**

* * *

"… Sakuya-senpai?" Youmu glanced over her shoulder as a weight pressed down behind her on the bed.

"Ah…! Sorry… Did I disturb you?" From the darkness peered Sakuya's silvery eyes as she lay down next to Youmu, "Forgive me… There was nowhere else to sleep."

"Mmm… It's okay…" Youmu turned around to face Sakuya, "What time is it?" she groggily asked.

"Oh… It'll be dawn in a few hours…" Sakuya suddenly let out a huge yawn. She was evidently holding that one in.

"… You've had a busy night too, huh…" sympathised Youmu, "Oh! I know!" and she suddenly snuggled up to Sakuya.

"Huh? What are you doing…?" Sakuya, who was not prepared for this from the usually reserved Youmu, had her sleepiness momentarily shaken off.

"Ehehe… A bonus service, Sakuya-senpai!" grinned Youmu, "Enjoy it while it lasts!"

"… Heh… Thank you very much, Youmu-san…" Sakuya hugged onto Youmu, and sleep took her.

I won't be needing a bolster tonight…


	9. With Sanae, Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

"Hey Yuyuko-chan~! Guess what we've got for today's dinner~?" Yukari cheerily bumped open the door to her room and carried in two platters of roasted ribs, "Fufu… We can really indulge ourselves!"

"Oh… okay…" Yuyuko sat before an open portal, spying on Youmu as usual. But she looked kind of bored…

"Yuyuko-chan? Hmm…? Getting tired of this, are you?" Yukari put the platters down and sat next to Yuyuko, "Not even I've spent so many hours consecutively just spying on Reimu…"

"It's not that, Yukari-chan…" pondered Yuyuko, "It's just… I've seen Youmu groped in the bath by now… I've seen her teased in bed… But I've not really seen what I had hoped to see…" She scratched her head, "Just what's missing?"

"Hmm… I know what you're missing!" Yukari suddenly had an idea.

"What is it?" asked Yuyuko.

"Youmu-chan's not had a wedding yet!" pointed out Yukari, and realisation hit Yuyuko.

"Ahh! You're right!" Yuyuko thumped a fist over her palm.

"Aren't I?" puffed up Yukari, "Think about it! You've skipped that all important ceremony and gone straight to the action… The order's all wrong!"

"Yes! I can see it now!" Yuyuko's eyes sparkled, "The bells… The flowers… The wedding gown…! It's not that I want to see Youmu-chan made love to! What I really wanted was to see her wedded, **then** made love to! Thank you so much, Yukari-chan!" she said gratefully.

"You're welcomed, Yuyuko-chan," Yukari grinned back, "As usual, I've got a plan!" she said as she drew out a pen and paper…

* * *

**With Sanae, Part 1: Marriage not for love, but for politics and pleasure**

The following day…

Konpaku Youmu gaily skipped down the road- Wait, what?

"Hmm hmm~! It's going to be a great day today! I can feel it!" she told Myon, her phantom half. Myon bobbed along uncertainly next to her, not quite sure what to make of this new, cheery human half. But it understood well the reason for her cheerfulness, and it was…

"_Mmmh! Marisa-onee-chan! You've only spent one day playing with me! Why are you in such a rush to leave with __**this woman**__ now!?"_

"_Youmu-chan! Youmu-chaaan! Don't leave me here ze…!"_

"Teehee! I really hope Marisa-san gets to spend some _quality time_ with Flandre-san today!" Youmu stretched her arms over her head as she looked up to the sky.

This afternoon's chances of Marisa? Zero.

"Today should pass without a hitch, right?" she asked Myon spritely.

But Myon glanced pitifully at Youmu. It did not share her optimism…

Reaching the end of the path, Youmu and Myon came before a really long flight of stairs, where at the top lay Moriya Shrine. They took flight and quickly covered the altitudes.

"Youmu-saaan!"

"Hmm?" As Youmu neared the top, a voice called out her name. Looking down, she saw a moderately tall, teenage girl waving energetically at her. Her long green hair was frantically whipping about behind her, and her large, white detached sleeves seemed to be signalling to Youmu for an emergency landing. Upon closer inspection, Kochiya Sanae seemed rather distraught.

"Sanae-san?" Youmu flew down to Sanae, puzzled, "What's wrong?" she called out.

But Sanae would only wave both her arm-flags even more frantically. "NO! Go back down, Youmu-san! I'll meet you there!" she was shouting.

"Huh? Why?" Youmu landed before Sanae and approached the taller girl, "What's the matter, Sanae-san-"

"Oh? Is this the girl the **letter** spoke of?"

Sanae palmed both her hands to her face. Youmu glanced up, and down the stairs approached a tall and very handsome woman, slender rectangular shoulders and all. Her hair was purplish blue and tied back in a tight knot, with a red maple leaf affixed to it, and she boasted a smart suit and pants and black heels.

"Hello _sweetheart_," greeted this handsome woman as she intruded deeply upon Youmu's personal space, "You are Konpaku Youmu-san, are you not?" without asking, the woman took Youmu's hand lightly in her own.

"H-Hello…" Youmu leaned far back uncomfortably, "Sorry for asking… but you're Yasaka Kanako-sama, r-right…?" If it really is her, I sure don't remember her _like this_…!

"Ah! I see that introductions are not required then!" laughed Kanako, her hand still holding Youmu's in an overly familiar manner. Yasaka Kanako was one of the two resident gods of Moriya Shrine, whom Sanae served as shrine maiden to. And speaking of two resident gods…

"Kanako-san~! Why are you making our dear Youmu-san wait on the stairs? Hurry up and bring her into the house!" came scolding another, much more childish voice in an oddly motherly tone. Sanae glanced up from her hands and re-palmed her face. Youmu looked up and…

Whoosh…

...! Youmu averted eyes in a hurry, blood rushing to her cheeks. The wind that had lifted the skirt before her was not the only thing that was breezy…

"Aha… You saw that? Sorry, sorry~!" Moriya Suwako pressed down cheerily upon her summer dress against the wind of the mountain, "I thought I'll go for something a bit more airy today~!" And indeed the ancient loli was dressed lightly. Her ankles were bare in her heeled slippers, and her long blonde hair flowed as freely as the ties upon her underwear. Her hat, famous for its frog-eyes, had been transformed into a bracelet so that it now stared unblinkingly from her wrist.

In short, both of Moriya Shrine's gods were not looking much like themselves…

"Um… Am I disturbing the Moriya Shrine?" Youmu awkwardly asked a cringing Sanae, "It looks to be in the middle of something… Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama are all dressed up…"

"No, no, it's just a misunderstanding…" Sanae bit down on her lip, "D-Don't worry Youmu-san, I'll clear it up soon-"

"Suwako-chan is right!" interrupted Kanako, "Where are my manners…? Come, Youmu-san! We've been waiting for you!" with a brilliant smile, she led Youmu away gently by the hand into Moriya Shrine, Sanae following worriedly behind and Suwako happily leading the way.

What's going on…!? Youmu began to panic, and Myon slumped over sadly next to her. It looks like Youmu's presumptions about today were premature after all…

* * *

"W-What's going on!?" Youmu shot up to her feet, completely bewildered. The four were now sitting about a table in the Moriya Shrine's sitting room, Youmu accompanied by Suwako on one side, and Kanako with Sanae on the opposite side. Earlier on, Youmu noticed that the house had been recently cleaned and tidied with the best décor put forth, as if Kanako and Suwako had been expecting an important guest.

She now realised with a sinking feeling that 'that guest' was her…

"Ahaha~! I see that Youmu-san likes the sound of it!" Kanako mistook Youmu's bewilderment for excitement, "Like I said, it is a _small price_ to pay for such a wonderful wife as yourself…"

"Huh!? B-Bride price- Why are we discussing this!?" Youmu urgently turned to Sanae for an explanation.

But Kanako cut in, "Oho, Youmu-san~! No need to be so reserved!" she grinned in approval, "Such things are merely procedures and traditions! Suwako-chan and I cannot hope to burden you with caring for Sanae-chan here without at least giving you a token of our appreciation, can we?" Kanako gave Sanae's hair a good-natured ruffle, which only fluffed Sanae's futile irritation, "Sanae-chan here is still young and unreliable at times… Although she really is quite the good girl! So, as I was saying!" Kanako leaned forwards to stare Youmu in the eyes, "Would next month be too soon for the wedding?" she laughed heartily, her wine-coloured eyes piercing Youmu's common sense.

"Wedding!? Next month!?" Youmu gagged at Sanae.

Sanae timidly spoke up against her goddess, "K-Kanako-sama! I'm telling you, you've got it all wrong…!"

A crossed look crossed Kanako's face, "Sanae-chan!" she pulled Sanae to the side and whispered urgently, "We will not be discussing this here! Don't you see? This is an extremely big opportunity! The Hakugkyokurou household has offered this delightful girl's hand in marriage to you! If the Moriya Shrine and Hakugyokurou were to be join forces, our influence in Gensokyo will only strengthen…!"

As Youmu listened in, her mind began to melt, while Myon behind her _was_ melting. It… seems that Kanako-sama thinks the marriage is **real**… She's already talking about family connections too…!

Sanae gasped in disbelief, "Kanako-sama! How can you!?" she exclaimed, "I'm telling you Youmu-san isn't my wife for real! And even if she was, how can I possibly marry her f-for such selfish reasons!?"

But it was Kanako's turn to be incredulous. "'Not for real?'" she echoed in shock, "Sanae! What are you on about!? Do you mean to tell me that this marriage _you_ told me about is simply a _game_ to you!?"

Slap!

Sanae stared in shock as Kanako's cheek began to turn red with the imprint of a tiny but vicious hand. Suwako had reached over the table and spared Kanako no mercy.

"Kanako-san!" Suwako sternly scolded.

"Y-Yes, Suwako-chan…?" Kanako timidly rubbed her cheek.

I see… observed Youmu uneasily. So it is Suwako-sama who wears the bloomers in this relationship…

"Youmu-san has come a long way here, and immediately you start talking about bride prices and family relations!?" Suwako chastised a forlorn Kanako, "Have you no interest in the bride whatsoever!?"

"I'm sorry, Suwako-chan-"

"Why are you apologising to me!?"

"Hii…! I-I'm sorry, Youmu-san!" Kanako bowed deeply before Youmu.

"Ah! D-Don't worry about it Kanako-sama!" A goddess is bowing to me…! Youmu gulped nervously. Just what in the heavens is going on…!? She glanced to Sanae, hoping for some help, but Sanae kept her silence before Suwako.

"Do forgive Kanako-san for her behaviour, Youmu-chan, she _can_ get carried away at times- Oops! You don't mind if I call you _Youmu-chan~_, do you?" Suwako smiled sweetly at Youmu, "Teehee~! You have such a lovely sounding name~!"

"N-Not at all, Suwako-sama…!" Yes indeed, Youmu minded. Suwako sweet smile gave a vibe of something sinister beneath it, like curses…

"Aha… Kanako-san and her compulsion over faith… I'm not too concerned about all that, Youmu-chan," Suwako rolled her eyes as she laid a frighteningly kind hand upon Youmu's shoulder, "_Youmu-chan_~" she called Youmu's name dearly, "The most important thing for me is for my _daughter-in-law_ to have an _enjoyable relationship~_" she stressed.

Daughter-in-law… She called me her 'daughter-in-law'…! Youmu noted with terror. Once again she glanced furtively at Sanae for salvation, but Sanae was helplessly staring at her feet.

"So… Do you mind if I ask you a few details, Youmu-chan?" Suwako nosed up to Youmu, and Youmu fearfully leaned away, "Ehehe… How many times have you _done it~_ with Sanae-chan? And for how long~? Come on, don't be shy~!" she giggled.

"'_D-Done it_'!? I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Sukwako-sama…!" lied Youmu, a deep blush flooding through her cheeks. What sort of talk is this!? She cried out mentally. Myon was a complete puddle behind her. Sanae, her face steaming scarlet, was at this point staring at the table like she wanted to bash her head through it.

"Suwako-chan…!" objected Kanako cautiously, her face too bright red, "This sort of talk isn't really appropriate-"

"Nonsense!" shot down Suwako, "The most important result of a marriage is children! How can we expect Youmu-chan here to be willing to bear us descendants if Sanae-chan can't satisfy her? And I happen to know that Youmu-chan is a _very strong_ swordsman!" Suwako squeezed Youmu's shoulder intimately, sending shivers down her spine, "Doubtlessly, her appetite must be _insatiable_~!" she smiled in grand approval of Youmu's libido.

Just what sort of person do you think I am…!? Youmu too by now wanted to smash her head through the table. Sanae was already feeling out a spot to do so…

"So, Youmu-chan! You must have at least done it a few times with Sanae-chan now, right?" asked Suwako eagerly, "Don't be shy! Tell me, tell me! Is our Sanae-chan good enough for you? Or is she a pansy? If she is, I will _personally train her_ until she is good enough for you!" Suwako promised-

"YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!" Sanae and Youmu simultaneously sprung to her feet and yelled, "WE AREN'T TOGETHER LIKE THAT!"

"Eh?" Kanako blinked at them, confused.

"Ara~" Suwako clapped her hands to her cheeks in delight, "They're denying their escapades together too… How cute~!"

"WE'RE NOT DENYING ANYTHING! W-W-WE'VE NEVER DONE THE SORT! !" shouted Sanae and Youmu at Suwako, and at last she reluctantly seemed to get the message.

"You mean…" Suwako frowned sadly, "You've never had se-"

"RRRAARRGGHH! !" both the melted brains of Sanae and Youmu could only produce incomprehensible roars as they grabbed each other's hands and ran out of the house _for the love of sanity…!_

"Wait! Where are you going- How rude of you, Sanae!" cried out Kanako after them, "Come back this instance!" But Sanae and Youmu were already gone. "T'ch..! What was _that_ all about?" Kanako sat back down crossly, "Youth these days! They never want to just sit down and talk over the details with their parents!" she fumed, "I mean, we're not _actually_ Sanae's parents, _but still_…!"

"Don't be so angry, Kanako-san," Suwako went behind Kanako to placate her with a shoulder massage, and Kanako calmed down in a hurry. "Kids these days are all about 'feelings', you know?" Suwako continued, "They don't really think much about the more important things, such as how compatible they are in bed…"

"O-Or how smoothly the two families will get along," suggested Kanako uneasily.

"Or how compatible they are in bed…" Suwako overruled Kanako's opinion, "Hey! It's not so bad! Sanae-chan did run off _with_ Youmu-chan," she happily pointed out, "Do you know what that means?"

"What?" Kanako glanced over from her shoulder massage, "You mean… they're eloping?"

"Precisely~!" Suwako got up and went into a room. A few minutes of rummaging and she soon emerged with two comical looking trench coats and fedoras – One adult sized, and one loli sized.

"A-Ah…! Suwako-chan…!" Kanako sweat-dropped.

"Hmm hmm~! I thought we'd need these again~!" beamed Suwako.

Kanako chuckled sheepishly, "I thought we stopped doing this since Sanae-chan graduated from high school?" she recalled, "Sanae-chan's not a kid anymore, so…"

"Don't you want to know what Sanae-chan does with Youmu-chan when they're alone?" Suwako handed out the 'disguise' to Kanako.

"Haah… I guess I _am_ a little concerned…" Kanako took the trench coat. The two goddesses then put on their 'disguises' and headed out after Sanae and Youmu to stalk them. But…

"Good day, Kanako-sama, Suwako-sama…" "Where do you think you're going in such a suspicious get up!?"

"Eh?" "Ara…?"

Who should be outside waiting for them but Izayoi Sakuya and Hakurei Reimu?

"Huh? You two...? What business do you have here!?" demanded Kanako, "Know that you're trespassing upon Moriya territory!"

Sakuya and Reimu glanced at each other, then drew out knives and amulets respectively.

"We know," they took up stances confidently.

* * *

"Haah… haah…! What's wrong with Suwako-sama and Kanako-sama…!?" Youmu asked as she and Sanae paused at the base of the Moriya Shrine steps, both doubled over and short of breath from their marathon sprint.

"Haah… haah…! I don't know!" Sanae pushed herself up from her knees, "I've never seen them like this! I simply told them that you were coming today as my 'wife' from the raffle before… M-Maybe I should have left the 'wife' bit out…" Sanae sheepishly said on hindsight.

"Didn't you tell them it was just pretending for one day?" Youmu righted herself as well, her hands propped on her hips as she steadied her breathing, "They were so serious about it…"

"I did, Youmu-san!" Sanae insistently clutched her hands together, "Um… Sorry… Even then, I still have to apologise…"

"Well, at least we escaped…" Youmu said, "Suwako-sama was _really_ scary back there…" she glanced back up the long flight of stairs.

"Yeah…" Sanae followed Youmu's example, "This certainly changes my plans," she muttered, "Initially, I was planning for us to take it easy today at home… You know, just like a homestay for you. But it seems that's not possible now…"

"Sanae-san…" Youmu gave Sanae a small smile, "It's strange," she chuckled, "Both Reimu-san and Sakuya-senpai treated me nicely… It seems that everyone keeps forgetting I'm supposed to be the one serving them," she joked.

But Sanae's reaction was that of immediate shock, "Eh!? You know of it!?" she panicked.

"Huh?" Youmu looked at Sanae confusedly.

"Ah! I-It's nothing!" Sanae hurriedly put on a grin, "Ahaha… I see! Reimu-san and Sakuya-san were 'nice' huh? It looks like I have to match their game then!" she took Youmu's hand, "In any case, please do allow me to make up for Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama's behaviour earlier," she said.

"Does Sanae-san have someplace in mind?" Youmu asked as Sanae led the way down the mountain path.

"Well…" Sanae put a finger to her lip in thought, "We _were_ supposed to relax… And since we're both sweaty and tired… Let's make a trip to the hot springs! How about that?" she suggested cheerily.

Youmu smiled, "Sounds good!" But as the two strolled off, a reconstituted Myon followed them nervously.

'Hot springs'… Those words are cursed, right…?

**Chapter End**


	10. With Sanae, Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Hey guys, sorry for the rather long hiatus. Real life called to remind me it was still there…**

**Anyways, I hope to be able to bring you the following chapters a little more swiftly as this has so far been one of my more enjoyable stories to write. So for now, please enjoy this chapter! **

"Argh…! Why…!?" And the last thing Kanako saw before unconsciousness overcame her were Sakuya and Reimu standing victorious before her, Suwako next to her already taken out.

"Well, that takes care of _them_…" Sakuya said to Reimu, "So our guess was right after all… Yuyuko-sama _is_ trying a bit of mischief from behind the scenes with some help…"

"'Guess'? It was obvious to me the moment Yukari butted in…" said Reimu, "Haah… What a pain…" she grumbled, "If only Marisa was here! This was all _her_ idea in the first place…" she shot Sakuya an accusatory glance.

"Haha… My apologies, Reimu-san," said Sakuya, "But you know how hard it is to take something from Flandre-ojou-sama once she's set on having it. Besides, judging from my experience yesterday, Marisa-san is more of hindrance than help."

"True…" conceded Reimu, "But it's still bothersome! And I don't like the feeling of doing Marisa's dirty work… Sanae-san should be fine on her own now though." With that, she and Sakuya proceeded to drag Kanako and Suwako's bodies back into the Moriya shrine.

* * *

**With Sanae, Part 2: A rehearsal for life**

"Mmm…! What luxury!" Youmu stretched her back and reclined back further into the outdoor hot spring, "I don't think I've ever taken a soak this early in the day before!" she let out a huge sigh of satisfaction.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it!" Sanae was grinning next to her. The two of them had booked into a small, rustic inn deep in the mountains, famed amongst the tengu for its scenery, tranquillity and, of course, its hot spring.

All of a sudden, Sanae felt a sensation within her hand and discovered a rolled-up message. "...! A message from Sakuya-san…?" Sanae took a furtive glance at Youmu. She was relaxing with her eyes closed.

"Alright…" Sanae turned away and took a look at it. It read 'Danger averted. Safe for now. You'll find _them_ in the basement.'

"Gah! Reimu-san…!" wept Sanae a little, "I know Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama are causing trouble, but could you at least treat them with a little more dignity…?"

"Sanae-san…?"

Sanae startled and fumbled over her shoulder. Youmu was up and looking inquisitively at her.

"What's wrong, Sanae-san?" asked Youmu, "What are you looking at?"

"Ah! N-Nothing!" Sanae hurriedly chucked the message over the fence.

"… What was that…?" The odd action only aroused Youmu's suspicions further.

"Oh…! I uh… I just thought that uh… Ah!" Sanae hurriedly clasped Youmu's hands in her own and brought her face close in to Youmu's, startling the latter and focusing her attention squarely upon Sanae.

"Um… Youmu-san?" Sanae gave a warm, gentle smile, "Just relax for today, okay? I won't let anyone bother us today, I promise…" she swore.

"Huh…!? W-Where's this coming from!?" Youmu averted eyes and blushed.

"Ehehe… Since you're my 'wife' today, I thought I'll try saying something 'romantic'," Sanae also looked away sheepishly, "Though as expected, it's rather embarrassing…" she pulled back from Youmu.

Youmu stared at Sanae for a moment, before breaking into a giggle, "That wasn't very 'romantic' at all!" she snapped playfully, "Erm… Shall we get out of the bath now?" she asked, "It's been quite awhile…"

"Sure!" said Sanae, and she and Sanae exited the water. They changed into their yukatas and started returning to the inn.

As they walked along an outdoor corridor, Sanae observed Youmu eying the outdoor scenery with a peaceful expression. Her silver hair fluttered with the spring breeze, and her rosy cheeks matched the pink petals that floated by against the green mountainsides. This tranquil image of Youmu, free of responsibility and stress, was somehow…

"Hey Sanae-san," Youmu turned to her with wide-eyed cheeriness, "It's not even noon yet! What else should we do?" she asked like an excitable girlfriend.

… Cute... Sanae suddenly became aware of blood flowing to her cheeks, and she shook herself clear of indecent thoughts, "Let's see… Shall we visit the local village?" suggested Sanae, "It's a tengu village, so it ought to be rather different from what you're used to, and they've got lots of local specialities as well!" she said.

"Ahh! Let's do that!" grinned Youmu, and Sanae too smiled in response. Which gave her an idea…

"Hey… Youmu-san?" asked Sanae after a moment, and Youmu, who was walking ahead of her, stopped and twirled to face her.

"Hmm…?" she asked Sanae.

"Shall we organise more of such trips?" suggested Sanae, "Have fun ourselves?"

"Eh? I don't know…" Youmu looked away apologetically, "Looking after Yuyuko-sama is a full time job…"

"But right now, Yuyuko-san is having to manage without you, right?" Sanae pointed out, "Come on, Youmu-san! Just for one or two days?" she urged, "We should really do this more often! Get away from our responsibilities once in awhile!"

Youmu gave a thought, "Hmm… Yeah… Maybe we should!" she beamed, "It has been nice to be away from Yuyuko-sama," confessed Youmu, "Thank you for your kindness," she smiled warmly.

"No problem, 'Darling'~!" Sanae shared a giggle with Youmu.

* * *

"Woah, watch your step!" Sanae caught Youmu by the arm as she stumbled and nearly tumbled down the steep, winding stairs.

"Ah! Sorry about that," Youmu apologised as she recovered her balance. Taking in a few breaths to steady herself, she surveyed the street before her and remarked, "This village somehow gives me a nostalgic feeling, but it's also rather cluttered and difficult to walk in…" Even as the words left her mouth, a group of tengu narrowly squeezed past her, nearly knocking her back down the stairs again.

The tengu village they were in was an old one built right upon the face of the mountain. Here, there were more stairs than streets and indeed most streets _were_ stairs, haphazardly winding about the mountain slopes. Buildings two to three stories high were squeezed in along the sides whenever possible, staggering like dominoes, and despite the close proximity to the heavens the sky was but visible slits in this maze of construction. To add to all the nostalgia, and danger, were the crowds of tengu jostling past one another as they went about their business, buying, selling, buying to sell and selling to buy. The air was filled with smells and the ceaseless calls of criers from the second or even third storey balconies advertising for the shops on the first storey.

"Maybe it's because it's a tengu village?" commented Youmu, "But it seems like the only way to actually get around is to fly all the time."

"Nah, surprisingly the tengu mostly walk here," said Sanae as she and Youmu pressed themselves against a wall to let a cart through. How the cart managed to navigate the stairs was a miracle to watch. "There's a saying: 'The only tengu that flies through the streets all the time is one that is constantly late or a thief; in other words a no-good tengu'."

"Or a voyeur…" Youmu sarcastically brought up a _certain infamous_ example.

"Ahaha… Be careful, Youmu-san," Sanae chuckled, "'Speak of the devil and she shall appear'… Oh! There's a rather famous ice-cream shop about here! I just love the way they make their waffle cones! Shall we go have some?" she asked.

"Okay!" replied Youmu, and she and Sanae made their way over to the shop. However, as they neared it…

"Uu… Uu…!"

"Hey, hey! It's alright! There's no need to be afraid!"

"Uu… Uuu…!"

"Ah! D-Don't cry! Are you lost? Where're your parents? Er… Would you like to have an ice-cream?"

The shopkeeper was kneeling before a little girl, attempting to console the child. The girl in question had green hair tied back in an intricate bun and a rather expensive looking kimono of white and blue-printed silk. She looked rather terrified, too terrified in fact to even cry, settling instead for silent sobbing.

"Hello Chie-san… Is something wrong?" asked Sanae as she and Youmu approached the shopkeeper.

"Ah! Sanae-sama!" the young tengu hastily got up and greeted the Wind Priestess, "Yes… I-It seems this child here has been separated from her parents," she gestured to the girl, "What's more, she isn't tengu, and she doesn't seem to be a youkai either… I think she might be a human child," the shopkeeper turned to Sanae worriedly.

"A human child…? What's she doing in a tengu village?" asked Youmu.

"She must be terrified…" Sanae knelt down to the girl, "Hey there… Won't you tell us your name?" she asked gently, but the girl backed away from Sanae and hid behind the shop counter.

"She might be too young to speak," suggested the shopkeeper.

"Or too afraid…" Youmu walked up to the counter, but pointedly ignored her and opted instead to check out the various ice-cream flavours.

"Huh…? Youmu-san…?" Sanae, as well as the shopkeeper, followed her confusedly. The little girl also began staring at Youmu, wondering why this lady's behaviour was different from the other scary ones.

"Mmm… This one looks good!" Youmu pointed enthusiastically at the cookie-and-cream flavour, "Chie-san, was it? Can I have a single-scoop of this one?" she asked the shopkeeper.

"Huh? Now?" puzzled the shopkeeper.

"Mmm! Now!" grinned Youmu, "Sanae-san, what flavour would you like?" she next asked Sanae.

"Ah… Well… just vanilla I guess, but-"

"Alright! Then I guess we'll take one cookie-and-cream, and one vanilla please," Youmu placed her order, and the shopkeeper, still a little puzzled, decided best to go with the flow.

"Yum! This is really delicious!" Youmu said happily as she licked her ice-cream cone. By now, the little girl had momentarily forgotten her fear and had emerged from behind the counter as she eyed Youmu and her cone with a little hunger.

"… Want one?" Youmu asked the girl directly, and immediately the child dived back behind the counter again. "Heehee…" giggled Youmu at her reaction, and this time she went straight for the child and knelt before her. "Hey… If you ask Youmu-onee-san _real nicely_, I _might_ decide to share some ice-cream with you," Youmu played hard to get.

"Ah…" the girl peeked up meekly at Youmu, her eyes shifting away and back as she seriously considered Youmu's proposal, then finally looked Youmu squarely in the eyes and shook her head slightly.

"She doesn't want any…" said Sanae.

"It's not that," smiled Youmu, "You don't like this flavour?" Youmu asked the girl, and again she shook her head. "Then… do you mind pointing for Youmu-onee-san what flavour you'd like?" she inquired further, and immediately the little girl pointed to the chocolate one.

"Aha…! I see!" said the shopkeeper, "Then…" she glanced at Youmu.

"Mmm! Give me one of that as well!" requested Youmu, and immediately the shopkeeper handed Youmu a chocolate ice-cream cone. "Here you go!" she passed it to the little girl, and the child took it cheerily. Everyone broke into laughter.

* * *

"I'm really sorry to bother you, Sanae-sama, but I can't really leave the shop," bowed the shopkeeper apologetically.

"Don't worry about it, Chie-san," insisted Sanae, "Helping people out is something we should do. Don't worry, we'll help this girl find her parents," she assured.

"Ah! Then please do, Sanae-sama," the shopkeeper bowed again, "And Youmu-san… You're really good with children, aren't you?" complimented Youmu.

Youmu glanced at the girl whose hand she was holding, before turning back to the shopkeeper with a smile, "Well… given the _kind of master _I put up with, this isn't much," she replied wryly.

"Then I wish you all the best, Youmu-san, Sanae-sama," said the shopkeeper, and the group exchanged goodbyes and left the shop.

"Still…" began Sanae as she, Youmu and the girl set down the street, "Chie-san was right… You really are good with children," praised Sanae, "You'll truly make a great wife!"

Youmu blushed and responded wittily, "Don't jinx us, Sanae-san! Such jokes today are no good!"

"Huh…? O-Oh! I-I wasn't talking about becoming my wife at all! Not at all!" Youmu giggled as Sanae flustered, having just realised her mistake.

It was coincidentally at that time that the little girl holding Youmu's hand had finished with her ice cream. Glancing at Sanae, the girl felt pity for her as everyone else was holding hands and Sanae was not. She kindly remedied the situation by grabbing Sanae's hand, linking Youmu, herself and Sanae together like mother, father and child.

"Huh? Ahaha! That's kind of cute!" chuckled Sanae as she took notice of the girl's actions.

"Mmm!" agreed Youmu, "Like this, we're kind of like a family, aren't we-"

A little slow, aren't you two? It was already written in the text.

"H-Hyah…!?" Both young ladies' faces flushed a deep red as they averted their gazes from one another, although neither let go of the child's hand, the girl between them looking rather cheerful.

"Hmm… We really should think of a way to find the girl's parents," said Sanae after awhile, "It's a pity she can't talk…" she said a little carelessly, and immediately regretted it as the child looked down sadly.

"Ah! Don't worry about it!" Youmu moved quickly to comfort her, "Even if you can't tell us, we'll just have to ask around, right Sanae-san?" Youmu asked Sanae.

"Y- Yes! Of course!" Sanae agreed immediately.

The duo then begin going from shop to shop, house to house, asking if they had seen this girl before and whether they had also seen someone accompanying her. But after two hours of asking around, no results came to them.

"This is bad…" said Sanae as she looked at the girl who was now glancing about anxiously, as if aware that no progress was being made, "At this rate, we might never find her parents…"

"W-What should we do then…?" asked Youmu worriedly.

"At worst, I'll have to take her home with me… It wouldn't be the first time the Moriya Shrine's housed lost children," revealed Sanae, "And the people around here always know to come to us for help, so the parents might look for her there."

"But this girl is a human child, right?" pointed out Youmu, "Would her parents even _be_ around? Come to think of it… How did she even get here?" But just Youmu asked her question, the little girl began tugging excitedly at her hand and pointing in a certain direction.

Youmu and Sanae turned to look and saw a young, blonde lady in the distance wearing a beige and gold yukata with similar patterns to the young girl's. She was jumping up and down elatedly and waving her hands in the air for the child.

"… Is that the person you came with?" Sanae asked the girl. The girl nodded her head vigorously. She was about to run for the lady in the distance when she realised that doing so meant having to leave Youmu's side and hesitated, looking up at Youmu sadly.

"Oh, don't worry!" Youmu knelt down and smiled reassuring at her, "I'm sure we'll meet again someday…" she squeezed the girl's hands, "But first, there's someone you have to go back to, right? She's probably been really worried about you," said Youmu.

"Ah…" The girl glanced at the beckoning lady in the distance, teared a little and threw herself into a hug around Youmu.

"Ah! Aha… There, there…" Youmu consoled the child. The girl then gave Sanae a hug as well, before wiping her tears and giving them both a wide smile. She then turned and ran straight back to her guardian.

"Bye bye~!" waved Youmu and Sanae as the girl leapt into the blonde lady's awaiting arms. The lady then bowed and waved gratefully from where she stood, to which Youmu and Sanae waved back smilingly. With one last look of gratitude, the young lady took the girl's hand and the two left.

"Ahh… I miss her already," chuckled Sanae as she turned to Youmu for her opinion and- woah…

Youmu was sobbing earnestly.

"Ahaha… I see you miss her too?" said Sanae, "You love children, you're good with them too… You really would make a good wife, Youmu-san!" she teased.

"Kuh… Not -sob- funny Sanae-san…!" Youmu vigorously rubbed her eyes as Sanae giggled.

"There, there…" It was Sanae's turn to console her 'wife' as she took Youmu's arm in her hands, "We've not had lunch yet had we? Shall we eat something?"

Youmu sniffled, "Soba…"

"Hai, hai~! Soba it is, then!" Sanae smiled gently and led her darling little child away.

**Chapter End**

* * *

**Omake**

"Still…" wondered Sanae aloud as she and Youmu headed for lunch, "What _are_ a human mother and child doing here…? It's so far from the human village…"

But that was a false assumption. Had Sanae and Youmu met her up close, they would have easily realised that the lady was not human at all. And the girl…?

"Yamame!" called the girl as she walked happily hand-in-hand with the blonde lady.

"Ara~ Kisume!" replied the youkai earth-spider with mock sternness, "Where have you been all this while!? And look at the kimono I made for you! It's all dirty now…"

"Hauu…" uttered Kisume sadly. She just happened to be a rather weak tsurube-otoshi.

"Heehee… Don't worry Kisume!" Yamame flashed her a grin, "You're safe, and that's what matters… You see, the over-world isn't so scary nowadays, is it? We really should thank those two nice ladies sometime… Oh! And I've got it for you! Ta-da~!" Yamame produced a large wooden basin from out of a silken bag, and Kisume started tearing up the moment she saw it.

"Look! It's the replacement to your broken bucket!" said Yamame proudly, unaware that Kisume was sobbing, "I thought that simply buying a new bucket would be boring, so I got you an upgrade! It's just as deep as the old one, but you'll notice that it's much wider- Kisume? What's wrong?"

"Uu… Uuu…!" cried Kisume.

"Ack!? Y-You don't like it…?" panicked Yamame, "But I thought for sure that…"

"Uu… Uuu…! !" Kisume wept harder.

"A-Ah! You don't have to be _that_ upset!" pleaded Yamame, "I'll just- Huh…?" It was then that Yamame realised Kisume was not crying about the basin as an ominous feeling crept down her neck. "What's…?" she turned around and- Hyahh!?

Behind her was opened a mysterious portal, from which a vengeful, blood-shot eye was staring through.

"Yuyuko-chan! Get back in here, you'll blow your cover!" a voice could be heard urging through the portal.

"_Youmu-chan… Huuh… Huhh…! So you escaped your wedding!? No matter… I'll have just have to get you into a wedding dress… MYSELF! !"_ And the portal closed with a bloodcurdling cry.

"Ack! L-Let's hurry back home, Kisume!" urged Yamame. Kisume nodded vigorously and the two made a dash for the entrance back underground.

The over-world… can still be scary after all…!


	11. With- It's a trap! It's a traaap! !

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**With- It's a trap! **_**It's a traaap! !**_

"I'm going to sound like Yuyuko-sama, but I'm still hungry…" Youmu embarrassedly revealed as she and Sanae emerged from the soba shop.

"Then you should have eaten more just now!" urged Sanae, "There's nothing to be shy about! We did walk around quite a bit."

"Um… Something warm and sweet then?" suggested Youmu.

"Taiyaki?" mind-read Sanae.

"Aha… I could definitely go for those!" Youmu grinned sheepishly. The two thus set out to fill their second barely had they taken two steps forward when suddenly a voice called out from behind.

"Sanae-sama! Sanae-samaaa!"Turning around, Sanae and Youmu saw a tengu screeching to a halt before them, wings still opened from her hurried flight. This one was a young, brown wolf tengu, another local that Sanae knew well.

"Oh! Hello Minori-chan!" greeted Sanae cheerily, before she realised that the young tengu's expression was that of urgency. "What's wrong? Is something the matter?" she asked the tengu.

"Haah… Haah…!" panted the young tengu, "I'm sorry for this unbecoming display, but I was told to deliver an urgent message to a certain Youmu-san!"

"Huh? That would be me…" said Youmu.

"Ah! Youmu-san!" the tengu hurried over to Youmu, "I bring you a message! I was told to tell you that your master is in grave danger!" she held out a letter.

"What!?" startled Youmu, and she hurriedly took the letter from the tengu.

It read: 'Please save me! There's no more food left! Signed: Your beloved Yuyuko-chan.'

Sanae sweat-dropped. The young tengu smiled awkwardly. Youmu kept a blank expression on.

"W-Well… It seems like your master is not in too grave a danger, so that's a relief, right?" congratulated Minori.

"Couldn't she just get food on her own?" asked Sanae.

"…Hmph! Serves her right!" Youmu dismissed the message, though she still clutched on to letter, "This is what she deserves for making me a prize!"

But Sanae could see through Youmu's act. "You're worried for her, aren't you?" she asked gently.

"Huh!? N-No, I'm not!" Youmu turned away from Sanae, cheeks reddening stubbornly, "Yuyuko-sama is a grown woman! She should be able to deal with her own actions! She sent me away, so that means she's prepared to look after herself right!? Right…?" The more Youmu tried to deny her worries though, the more they grew…

"Haah… Youmu-san?" asked Sanae, "How about I go with you to visit Yuyuko-sama? Make sure she's alright?" she suggested.

"Huh? N-No…!" Youmu glanced awayembarrassedly, "Sanae-san has been so kind to me today! I-I don't think it's right of me to burden you any further!" she said.

"Hmm…" pondered Sanae, "In that case, shall we end our 'date' for today?" she offered, and Youmu looked up in surprise, "I've already had a lot of fun with you, so why don't you return to Yuyuko-sama and put your mind at ease?"

"But…!" Youmu began protesting.

"You can pay me back later if you really can't let it go," smiled Sanae, "The others will be so jealous that I get to spend two days with you rather than just one," she added playfully.

Youmu's anxieties eased a little as a smile broke across her face, "Yes! Then… if you don't mind…"

"Mmm!" nodded Sanae.

Youmu shifted to face Sanae squarely, then bowed low in gratitude, "I've very much enjoyed my day with you too, Sanae-san," she said sincerely, "I will make sure to doubly repay your kindness as soon as possible," she pledged.

"I'm looking forward to it!" replied Sanae cheerily. Youmu beamed, and with one last look of gratitude turned and made haste for Hakugyokurou and her useless starving master.

"Take care!" waved Sanae together with Minori.

"That girl… she's a _close friend_ of Sanae-sama?"teased Minori once Youmu was gone.

"Ahaha… Just a _close friend_," Sanae gently reproved the young tengu-

"Are you an idiot!?"

The two girls startled as two more suddenly appeared between them – a fearsome youkai hunter in a red-white miko's costume, and a maid with an air of elegance and danger. Hakurei Reimu and Izayoi Sakuya have arrived.

"Ah! The Red-White!?" gasped Minori, "What are you doing here-"

"It's alright!" Sanae assured the young tengu, "Um… Sorry Minori-chan, but could you…?"

"Oh… Sanae-sama has business with them, right?" Minori bowed and took her leave.

As she left, Sanae turned to Reimu and Sakuya. "What's going on?" she asked, "Why did you two suddenly appear?"

"Sanae-san," Sakuya cut to the chase,"How could you let Youmu-san go off on her own?" she reproached, "You were supposed to be protecting her today."

"Huh? But there was an emergency with Yuyuko-sama!" argued Sanae, "I couldn't tell Youmu-san not to go!"

"Even if it might be Yuyuko-sama trying to do mischief to Youmu-san?" asked Sakuya, and Sanae paused in doubt. "We were all suspicious of her_that_ day, it's why we have this arrangement now," she reminded.

"Yuyuko's definitely trying something," Reimu produced a letter for Sanae to read, "This was written by Yukari to Kanako and Suwako to convince them that there really is a marriage," she explained.

"…! I thought Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama were behaving more oddly than usual…" Sanae muttered as she read the letter.

"The timing of events suggests that this is no coincidence… Yuyuko-sama probably has Yukari-sama working with her," concluded Sakuya, "If that's the case, there's also no way Yuyuko-sama would be starving."

"Yuyuko-sama actually went as far as to try to trick Youmu-san into a wedding…" Sanae said with growing unease, "Then…! What is she going to do now!?" she looked up at Sakuya and Reimu worriedly.

"Heh… Don't worry!" Reimu finally broke a smile for Sanae, "Whatever that devious ghost's got planned, we'll just have to stop it, right?" she encouraged.

"Indeed. Our 'wife' is in danger after all…" Sakuya added a small smile of her own, "We have to move for her sake."

Sanae glanced gratefully between Reimu and Sakuya, before looking forwards with a determined expression, Reimu and Sakuya ready on either side of her. "Alright then!" she clenched a fist, "Today…"

"We save…" continued Sakuya.

"_My maid!"_ exclaimed Reimu, all fiery eyed.

The other two deadpanned at her.

"I-I meant 'Youmu-san'…" corrected Reimu, "What!? She was really useful about the house…"

* * *

"Yuyuko-samaaa? I'm home!" announced Youmu as she pushed open the gates to Hakugyokurou with the side of her body, her hands hauling a sack full of food.

"Yuyuko-sama? You haven't passed on to the next life out of hunger, have you?" sourly joked Youmu. Really…! I've only been away for less than three days and she starts screaming for me already, thought Youmu. "Hmph! That should teach you to treasure me a bit more…!" she huffed victoriously.

"Yuyuko-sama?"

Not here…

"Yuyuko-samaaa?"

Not there….

"Yuyuko-sama? Where are you?"

Not anywhere…!

"Where could she have possibly gone…?" muttered Youmu to herself as she set the sack of food down on the ground, her body growing a little weary from carrying it all over Hakugyokurou. She had checked nearly all the rooms, but after half an hour there was still no sign of her ghostly mistress…!

"Strange… Huh? What's that…?" In the distance, Youmu could hear bells ringing. They were unlike any bell sounds she had heard. They echoed with a solemn yet joyous tone, echoing melodiously in series such that their monotonous notes sounded like song. Running out of the building she was in, Youmu soon realised that the bell sounds were coming from a little used hall towards one end of the mansion.

"Yuyuko-sama? Is that her?" she asked herself, "What's she doing in there…?" Quickly, she dashed across the mansion grounds to the hall and anxiously pushed the doors open.

What greeted her was a scene out of a fairy-tale…

"Yuyuko-sama…!?" Snow-white. That was the colour that greeted her. Snow-white fabric hanging from the walls. Snow-white streamers upon the rows of long benches lining either side of the hall. Chandeliers of crystal glittering snow-white from the ceiling. But by far the most spectacular…

"Greetings, my dear Youmu-chan… You've kept me waiting…" greeted this most angelic figure before Youmu dressed in the white of snow. Yuyuko was standing in the middle of the hall, wearing a strapless dress and a long-sleeved, short jacket of lace to match. Her refined face and lovely pink hair was lightly hidden by a thin veil, giving her the impression of being demure, a look that confused and made Youmu breathless.

"Y-Yuyuko-sama…! I- I thought that -gulp- that there was an emergency so…!" Youmu's tongue tied over itself as this lovely, lovely Yuyuko-sama slowly advanced towards her with an enigmatic smile.

"Hush, Youmu-chan, it's alright…" said Yuyuko as she stopped just barely an inch from Youmu and gently stroked her beloved servant's cheek, "What do you think?" she asked.

"W-What do I think…!? I-I…! … Beautiful…" was all Youmu could utter as she stared entranced by Yuyuko's presence, the sound of bells around them.

"Fufu… Thank you, Youmu-chan…" Yuyuko's eyes closed in a smile, "It makes me really happy to hear you say that…"

"Ahh…! Yuyuko-sama, I…!" Youmu forcefully pushed herself away from Yuyuko and shook herself out of her trance, "I'm very sorry, Yuyuko-sama! That was an improper display of me!" she apologised hurriedly, "F-For me to stare this much at Yuyuko-sama…!"

"Fufufu… Don't worry Youmu-chan… I consider your actions to be quite the compliment…" Yuyuko closed the gap between her and Youmu again, and Youmu uneasily grew more conscious of Yuyuko's beauty.

"Y-Yuyuko-sama… May I ask what's going on?" Youmu tried to change the subject as she nervously stared anywhere but at Yuyuko, "The hall is rather well decorated today… Is there some sort of occasion?" she asked, her eyes nervously wandering about the beautiful but unfamiliar décor.

"Yes there is… A special one…" Yuyuko slipped her finger under Youmu's chin, hooking in the latter's attention squarely on her, whether Youmu liked it or not… "Youmu… Would you like to wear a dress like mine as well?" she gestured elegantly with a gloved hand to her bosom.

"Haah… Such a beautiful dress like Yuyuko-sama's…?" Youmu's eyes sparkled, before she turned away shamefully, "No! I-I do not have the beauty to match…!"

"Fufufu… Youmu-chan... You're much more beautiful than you think you are…" Yuyuko turned Youmu's eyes her way again, "Why don't you try wearing such dresses with me? We could have our own little special occasion _together_…" she smiled gently.

Youmu gazed with wonder upon her master, "I-If Yuyuko-sama wishes it…!" she shyly consented.

"Great!" beamed Yuyuko, "But first, there's something I need you to do…"

And Yuyuko presented Youmu with a ring to the sounds of wedding.

* * *

"Nnngh… Don't you think you're going a bit too far, Yuyuko-chan…?" awkwardly commented Yukari as she stood peeking by the door to the hall, "Marrying Youmu-chan just to get her into a wedding dress… Even I wouldn't do such a thing… I think…"

"Hehh…? So that's her plan?"

"Yeah… I tried talking her out of it, but…" Yukari turned around to face the person who spoke to her, and- Gah!?

Reimu stood before her, arms crossed crossly, Sakuya and Sanae flanking her.

"Reimu!?" Yukari backed against the wall in surprise.

"Yukari…?" Reimu narrowed her eyes, "Just what exactly is going on- Oi!"

Yukari had fled through a portal she had opened on the wall.

"…! She ran away!" exclaimed Reimu.

"Then let's get after her!" urged Sanae.

"Into the hall," calmly instructed Sakuya, and the three girls threw the doors to the makeshift wedding , they saw Yuyuko and Youmu standing face-to-face at the end of the aisle, Youmu's hand held in Yuyuko's, Yuyuko's fingers poised to slip a ring upon Youmu's-

"WAIT JUST ONE MOMENT! !" shouted all of Youmu's past 'husbands' in objection.

Yuyuko and Youmu both jumped. "Sanae-san!?" gasped Youmu, "Huh? Reimu-san and Sakuya-senpai too? Why did you come here-"

"Foolish girl! Did you have any idea what was about to happen!?" demanded Reimu as she, Sanae and Sakuya quickly stormed up the wedding aisle, "You were just about to marry Yuyuko!"

"M-Marry!?" a shocked Youmu snapped back to Yuyuko, who was suspiciously looking away now, "Yuyuko-sama! What does Reimu mean by- Wait! This is a wedding ceremony!?" she glanced about the hall, only learning for the first time what a Western-styled wedding looks like.

"T'ch… How meddlesome of you three…" muttered Yuyuko bitterly, which only confirmed Youmu's fears of being duped.

"Thank goodness we made it here in time," said Sakuya in completely seriousness, "If you had put on that ring, you'd have effectively surrendered to Yuyuko-sama your virgi-"

"Hyah!?" Youmu jumped back from the virginity-stealing ring in Yuyuko's hands, "I-I almost put on such a dangerous thing!?" The near-bride fell back into Sanae's arms, feeling rather faint.

"Don't scare her like that!" Sanae scolded a poker-faced Sakuya, "Don't worry Youmu-san. A wedding vow is nothing without the agreement of both parties. You're safe now," she assured.

"Sanae-san…" Youmu looked up gratefully at the girl who held her in her arms, "Reimu-san and Sakuya-senpai too… You came here for me?" she asked embarrassedly.

Sakuya merely smiled while Reimu chanced a glance at Youmu, before steely looking forwards with slightly reddened cheeks at Yuyuko. "Yuyuko!" she demanded, "I don't know what you want out of this, but this is about as silly as we'll let it get!"

"Haah…" issued a sigh from the ground as a portal opened up next to Yuyuko's feet, out emerging a defeated-looking Yukari, "I told you you shouldn't have done this, Yuyuko-chan," said Yukari, "By the sounds of things, Reimu, you knew we were spying on you despite our best efforts?"

"Hah! I thought all those amulets to your face during your past voyeur attempts would've enlightened you!" smirked Reimu.

"Reimu-chan… You grow ever more an elegant and sharp lady…" half-lamented, half-cooed Yukari.

"It's alright, Yukari-chan," said Yuyuko, "This was my idea, so I shall deal with it myself!" she stepped forth and pointed with conviction at Youmu, "Youmu-chan, since tricks and letters did not work… I shall have to use force! I _will_ get you into a wedding dress before the day ends!" she declared.

"Yuyuko-sama…!" Youmu pushed herself shakily off of Sanae despite the latter's concerns, "Do you mean to say that the incident at Moriya Shrine, this wedding ceremony… It's all just to get me into a wedding dress!?"

"That's right!" blatantly stated Yuyuko, "That… is my lifelong wish!"

"Since when…?" Reimu raised an eyebrow at the dead idiot.

"Then the raffle… me playing wife as the first prize…! It was all part of this plan!?" Youmu gritted her teeth, feeling betrayed.

"No, I wasn't thinking that far ahead…" Yuyuko answered simply, and everyone save for the ever-elegant Sakuya collapsed upside down.

"T-Talk about whimsical…!" uttered Sanae.

"At least she has her priorities straight…" Sakuya nodded in approval.

"You're doing it again! You're showing some really bad character development again!" jabbed Sanae.

"Yuyuko-samaaa!" Youmu got up and pleaded-No…!_Begged_ for the love of all things reasonable! "If all you wanted to see was me in a wedding dress, why didn't you just ask me to wear one!? I'm your servant! There was no need for all this trickery!"

"… Oh… I didn't consider that option," blinked Yuyuko blankly.

Everyone save for Sakuya hit the floor a second time.

"No…! It's too late…!" Yuyuko put a melancholic hand to her forehead and gazed away in pain, "I… I've already set things in motion-"

"_Don't dramatise things!"_ snapped Youmu, Sanae and Reimu.

"What good is a wedding dress without an actual wedding!?" demanded Yuyuko angrily.

"Why are _you_ getting mad!?" went the other three.

"Youmu!" ordered Yuyuko, "Marry me this instance!"

"_I refuse_!" Youmu fought back, "Why should I agree to such a ridiculous request!?"

"Fufufu… Disobeying me, is it?" Yuyuko hung her head sinisterly, "Hahahaha… _Ahahahahahahaha…!_"

"W-What's so funny?" asked Youmu nervously.

"Don't tell me… She's got other plans…!?" Sanae and Reimu instinctively stepped up to protect Youmu.

"Fufufu… _Youmu used to be such a good child!_" Yuyuko began weeping.

"_We're not following you at all!_" screamed Youmu, Reimu and Sanae.

"Please just marry me!" Yuyuko fell to her knees.

"_No_!" Youmu easily stood steadfast against the silliness.

"Nngh…! You're a tough one…" Yuyuko glanced up with half-pride and half-annoyance, "As expected of the granddaughter of Youki… Yukari-chan!" she gave the signal.

"Haah… I suppose if I don't stand by you, you'll get mauled so…" Yukari raised a hand and snapped her fingers, and in an instant the boundaries of clothed and unclothed flickered back and forth. The next thing everyone knew, Youmu was dressed in tomboyish outfit; suspended cotton shorts fluttered about her slender thighs, and a thin blouse with a wide, heart-shaped collar rested daintily upon her collar bones.

…

"Aha~! How cute~!" sparkled Sanae, before she urgently clamped her hand over her mouth to resist the corruption. Reimu was desperately looking away. Sakuya was drooling.

"Huh? What just- Hyah!?" Youmu, realising her outfit was now much breezier and cuter, hugged herself in embarrassment and dropped to her knees.

"Fufufu… Do you understand now, Youmu-chan?" asked Yuyuko triumphantly as she stood up, "If we wanted, we could just get a wedding dress onto you! _Resistance is futile_!" she declared against her servant. "Now… maintain your dignity as a swordsman, Youmu…" Yuyuko urged, "Put on the wedding dress… _and marry me_!"

Youmu glared up at Yuyuko, now joined at the side by Yukari. These two women… were the most formidable foes she had yet to face!

**Chapter End**


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